Unpacking The Male Box

Sakila Primary School, Tanzania Africa

 

    The origin of the word emotion is "emote", which comes from the Latin verb emovēre, meaning, "to remove or displace." It is interesting that this is the etymology of the word because in this androcentric society, the expression of emotion is typically viewed as something displaced that should be far removed from us. How ironic huh?

    As men, we feel and experience the same emotions that women do. We know what insecurity, envy, anxiety, and other emotions feel like. The main difference is, women have naturally learned to name, unpack, process, and communicate those emotions. Men typically don't learn this, and we have been taught all kinds of propaganda and rhetoric to explain why we don't, and should not name, unpack, process, and communicate those emotions, all the way to an early grave. In fact, our typical path of manhood is "anti-femininity." Through my Atlantis School for Gifted Youngsters I have a Boys As Allies Rights of Passage Program where we engage in various activities and have conversations around manhood and masculinity. One of the things that we discuss and do activities around is The Male Box and all of the things that go into it; which are things that we were taught about manhood and where it comes from. Some of the things that boys often share regarding what makes them a man are things like; having sex, being able to fight, growing body hair, having a job, driving a car, going to the military, having a child, etc. Then we discuss how if a male does not have one or a number of those things or experiences, is he not a man? What they begin to realize, through their own investigation, is that many of the things that we use to define manhood are arbitrary and made-up markers to designate points along a person's life cycle. None of these things instruct us about character, principles, values, responsibilities or teach us important life skills as we transition in age and maturity. They also tell us nothing about managing physiological, emotional, and social changes that we go through and responsibilities to ourselves and other human beings such as a family and community. I often ask them, isn't it strange that you can take a drivers course and get a learners permit at the age of 16 and a drivers license in NYS at 18, yet there are no instructions on how to be a man? I also point out that you can join the armed services at the age of 18 (17 with parental consent) and die in the military for this country yet you cannot legally drink a beer or vape. So how do boys learn to become men? The majority of us learn like a pack rat, collecting a bunch of ideas we picked up at home, in society, and through the media. While there are some good things that we have learned, I would venture to say that most of what we accumulate is not beneficial and the evidence is in the collective state of our relationships, communities, people, and overall society. The proof is all around us, in what we digest, and oftentimes right in the mirror. I am not making this assessment like I am Dr. Umar Johnson, 19 Keys, Billy Carson, Ali Muhammad, or other self-appointed men telling everyone what they need to fix because we are strait. I mention brothers like them because when you listen to them talk, you never hear them discuss what they are working on in their lives or personal growth and development. They all give the impression that they have arrived, somewhere, that you need to get to. Yet whenever you think you have arrived, they will always have some explanation why you still haven't made it. Anyway, my statement was not from that egocentric point of view. I am also not sharing this perspective to suggest that all women are strait either and that we as men need to get on their level. There is a such thing as "toxic femininity" and there are women with a low EQ also. Especially women who are emulating the ideas that we, as men, have picked up.

"Beyond The Murals" Photography Exhibit
The Cotton Factory Hamilton Ontario, Canada

    Most of us men who are born into this Western society were exposed to its Eurocentric religious/cultural belief systems that warp the perspective of femininity, women, and womanhood. In various Black/Brown classical and indigenous societies, femininity, women, and womanhood was seen through a lens of honor and respect. Like my culture of the Five Percent, women are seen as the Earth, Mother Earth, the Great Mother and Mother Nature because of her form, character and function -such as her physical composition, atmosphere and ability to birth and sustain life. The Earth is a terrestrial planet. That is where the name 'Earth' is derived; the Latin root "Terra", the root word of terrestrial meaning 'of the land.' This means that our planet possesses a solid surface and a metallic core. This core is the source of Earth's geomagnetic field that shield's it from cosmic radiation. The Earth also has four different layers: an inner core, outer core, mantle and crust [surface]. Lastly, Earth is distinguished from the other terrestrial planets Mercury, Venus and Mars because it possesses water which is vital for life as we know it. All of these qualities have a symbolic relationship to women, and the original woman in particular. In regard to the Earth's primarily Iron [Fe] core, the source of its geomagnetic field that shield's it from cosmic radiation, iron is considered the life-force of the Earth in some societies such as the Aborigines of Australia. As a life-force of the Earth, it symbolizes a woman's vitality, integrity, resilience, strength and fortitude. In regards to functioning as a geomagnetic shield, that symbolizes a woman's protective instinct against outside danger. The four different layers of the Earth symbolize the layers of a woman. The crust is the surface or most outer layer of the Earth. This represents what and how we physically see a woman; this is her appearance. The mantle is the second layer or what lies just beneath the surface; as a mantle is that which cloaks, shrouds or disguises. Also keep in mind that movement of the mantle causes tectonic activity such as volcanic eruptions and earthquakes on the crust, her surface. In symbolic terms, sometimes it's something lying just beneath the surface, that's undetected by the naked eye, that causes the unstable activity we see on the outside. The hottest and deepest layers of the Earth are the outer and inner core which are primarily composed of iron and nickel, thus making the planet magnetic. It is in this interior place that our Earth derives its magnetic field; its North and South Poles [compass]. In symbolic terms, internally is where you'll find the core convictions and source of a woman's moral compass and sense of direction. As the Earth possesses other precious metals and minerals that develop within it's womb, women possess the ability to develop precious life within their womb; children. The Earth's weather is primarily determined by the state of its atmosphere, as a woman's mood is partly determined by the state of her emotional atmosphere. The Earth's magnetic relationship with the Moon's 28-day lunar cycle effects our planet's tides the same way a woman's 28-day menstrual cycle affects her emotional tides that are linked to her sympathetic nervous system that partly regulates her hormones and body's ability to cope with stress. As hunter gatherers that eventually transitioned into agriculture and industrialism, we directly consulted with women who were biologically in tune with our landscape, weather, planting and harvest seasons. As forecasters, their wisdom was critical to our survival and that consultation corresponds to the creation of lunar calendars based upon the 28-day Moon and her 28-day menstrual cycle. Among many societies, a woman is seen as an oracle [diviner] within its cultural matrix because of her intuition, what our southern relatives call "mother wit", and what Western Philosophy has come to define as a priori knowledge. In Greece for example, she was the priestess Pythia; central figure of the Gaia [Earth] society and Oracle of Delphi men would consult for guidance on the seventh day of each month. This is the essence of emotional intelligence or EQ. Our ability to survive and thrive as men literally depended upon, and depends upon, this corresponding relationship to women. Now, some men might take what I shared above as a justification for worshipping women. That is taking it too far. I also don't think that women should sit around worshipping as men. That is taking it too far also. In both instances we can mess around and lose sight of ourselves in the process. To equally revere each other and show adoration is enough. No one is more important than the other and we are both worthy of honor and respect.

      Considering all of this, I think that there is room for us as men (and women who do not know themselves) to increase our EQ. Some of the benefits of this are improved communication, stronger relationships, better leadership skills, increased empathy, greater self-awareness, better conflict resolution, enhanced decision-making, increased adaptability, and improved ability to manage stress. The only liability is not having these benefits. It is amazing how in conversations about KOS [Knowledge of Self] there is rarely any mention increasing our EQ as an important part of that self-assessment and path of growth and development. Working within the non-profit sector and professions of education, community building, and public art, these spaces are dominated by women. This has given me access to relationships, resources, and wisdom to help me along the way. Some men may rarely find themselves in spaces like this, so I understand if they feel disconnected from and uncomfortable with some of these ideas about EQ. Regardless of that, what most of us men usually have in common is the lack of access to spaces for us men to get together and even build about this. Yes, we will get together to watch a sports event, go to a concert, strip club or other activities, but we usually are not getting together to help each other name, unpack, process, and communicate our emotions. Thankfully I have brothers in my circle whom I am vulnerable with. Brothers who I share my hurt and disappointments, my appreciation and excitement with. Many of us don't have brothers or spaces like this and we walk around and interact with each other like nothing bothers, fazes, or affects us. The truth is there is a lot that bothers, fazes, and affects us every damn day and we need each other, and sometimes professional therapy, to name, unpack, process, and communicate those emotions. We need to be more vulnerable within our brotherhood and create these spaces for ourselves and the young boys growing up. Our young boys need to see us honor, congratulate, and share with each other so they can learn how to do the same with their peers. It is an important part of our mental health and path of growth and development as men. We will be better because of it, and our relationships, families, communities, people and overall society will also. 

Peace,

Saladin

Animation Series: Who is that Mystery God?

In the Atlantis School For Gifted Youngsters animation episode we discuss "Who is that Mystery God?" and explore the journey of Knowledge of Self.

***VIEW BELOW***

Dr Umar Johnson: In Defense of Credentials or Character?

"P.O.P.A Comic & Action Figure Psychologist By Day,
Protecting the Black Community By Night,
Sidestepping Haters..." -Dr. Umar Johnson
(Twitter: July 1, 2015)

   One of the perspectives I love most about my culture [of the Five Percent] is that we have NO LEADERS. We teach leadership, collectively, and that people should only follow to the extent of learning to lead. This perspective has enabled us to successfully avoid the religious trappings of being easily led or becoming cogs in a hierarchical machine. So waaaaaaaay before the inception of a so-called "conscious community", many of us were already immunized against the manipulative bulls*it we see today. 

   When it comes to the so-called "conscious community", there's not one figure head within that community who hasn't been exposed for having clay feet. From Natural Tehuti to General Seti, to Brother Polight and most recently Dr. Umar Johnson, it has shown me that people in general are still looking for someone to lead, not learn to lead themselves. Some people have argued and still argue that clay feet proves that we are all human and none of us are beyond reproach. I understand reproach because there is always going to be someone who will express disapproval or disappointment in us, even if that disappointment is because we got them the wrong Starbucks coffee. So yes, none of us are beyond reproach and that's just a part of life. I don't agree that we are all human. Some of us are Egomaniacs; text book Narcissists striving to make a living off of people's overtime. One important thing some don't understand about my background is having an Ole Earth that was a Social Psychologist gave me a unique analytical lens to view things. I grew up in a household with a DSM-IV where psychological and sociological terms like transference, OCD, self mutilation [self-injury] the Hawthorne effect and etc. were common language my family used to communicate in. My Ole Dad was sharp too and taught us about African cultures and he collected African artifacts. Both were a part of the Black Panthers and I realized once I got to college that one of the family games we often played was really THIS psychoanalytic book. I mention this for the purpose of pointing out where my perspective is coming from. It doesn't mean that I'm the smartest rat in the barn or that my assessment is the only authentic one. What it does mean is that this perspective isn't emotionally charged, topical or on some hater sh*t. Check it out:

1. When Dr. Umar was publicly exposed for having a secret relationship with the blonde weave-wearing "Conscious Stripper" Khym Ringgold, instead of taking responsibility for his actions he called her "a maggot in life" and blamed her for causing him to lose a million-dollar donation for his boys academy from some unnamed NBA player. Not only that, it's hypocritical to do this on the low while publicly condemning black women in lectures about their sexual behaviors and wearing unnatural hair. How he approached and responded to this situation taught me volumes about his character. If he would have been humble, upfront and responsible for what he chose to do I think many people would have looked at him differently. This and various other incidents show that he doesn't have a record of taking responsibility for his actions, it's always somebody else's fault, and he is somehow the victim. I'd bet my right arm, which includes my writing hand, that you cannot find one tweet, Facebook or Instagram post or Youtube video where Dr. Umar Johnson specifically apologizes for something that he did WITHOUT mentioning the names or actions of someone else. 

2. Where is any evidence of the school he is supposedly building? Even though this has been an initiative he has promoted and received upfront donations for over the last three to four years, he has not shown one single thread of evidence to prove its development. When questioned about those donations he has publicly berated people for even asking about it and to this day has not produced any financial records to prove what he's done, if anything, with those donations. Again, this lack of transparency and how he approached and responded to this situation taught me volumes about his character. 

3. He lied about not being informed upfront about being included in the Hidden Colors documentaries. Dr. Umar publicly stated that Tariq Nasheed didn't tell him the name of the documentary and only found out that he was in it after receiving a phone call from a brother who was watching its screening in New York. Nasheed published the actual email correspondences via his Instagram page to prove otherwise.

4. When I saw Dr. Umar lecture in Buffalo, NY he not only gave out his personal phone number to the entire audience but he personally accepted donations and told people to write down their personal information of a sheet of paper so he knew who the donation was from. He was handling the money personally, he had no one assisting him and there was no receipt book for those who donated. Some people he actually told them to write their name and address on a piece of scrap paper. This was not only unprofessional but an oversight disaster waiting to happen. Even people running for unpaid school board seats know that it's inappropriate to handle campaign finances personally; they run the risk of commingling funds or potential fraud. In any campaign, someone must be a designated Treasurer and all donations must be digitally tracked/recorded to insure complete transparency. For those campaigning for public office, these records become Financial Disclosure Reports that anyone in the world can access online. In fact, when I ran for County Legislator in 2013, here are a record of mine: Saladin Financial Disclosure Reports. Although Dr. Umar isn't running for public office, the standard of disclosure, oversight and professionalism is the same regardless of the domain. The fact that he wasn't professionally operating like that then, and even today, confirmed a few things for me: He wasn't/isn't listening to financial or campaign professionals or he didn't/doesn't have any financial or campaign professionals on his team. 

5. Speaking of Umar not having a team, it was also clear to me that he didn't have a Think Tank; a serious issue many of us often overlook. For some years now I've been consulting other public figures behind the scenes on how to best engage the public and respond to situations. For example, I advised someone on strength-based approaches with their team such as using the word "appraisal" as opposed to "evaluation" when it came to assessing their work. Many of us don't seriously consider or invest in this kind of professional support. If we do consult with folks it's usually just our family, friends or other people who, although they may be much appreciated and well meaning, do not do this professionally. We need that support and professional Think Tanks. When Umar was asked why doesn't he have a team at the lecture I attended he shared that this was one of the many downfalls of some of our organizations such as the UNIA, "the more people you have involved it increases the opportunities to have government agents in your organization." Although I agree that this has occurred and still occurs today, I also agree that the Self-Made Man and Self-Made Woman is a myth that keeps people collectively impotent. From the problematic results of his philosophy on not having a team I will that he now considers the importance of having the genuine support in areas he is not professionally skilled in. 

6. The last thing I want to speak on are this URL Battle Rap-like beefs. One thing I noticed is whenever there's some kind of beef inside or outside of the conscious community, the lower men go to insult each other those insults always reference the degradation of women such as b*tch, b*tch *ss n*gga, p*ssy, batty boy, homo, letting dudes play with your booty hole, hoe *ss n*gga, moist, f*ggot *ss, swirling and etc. Most recently its been Dr. Umar and Tariq Nasheed insulting each other like this. I find this interesting because these are oftentimes the same black men who claim to exalt black women. I think this behavior speaks to a deeper often overlooked psychological issue many of us are still dealing with that bubbles to surface when conflicts like this occur. It suggests that in our anger and impassioned defense of what we believe to be true, what we find most insulting, weak, abhorrent and contemptible about each other as men has everything to do with women. That is worth considering.

With all of this being said, I think that Dr. Umar is skilled in his area of expertise and is passionate about what he speaks. His skills are necessary! When it comes to professionalism, the proper handling of people, leadership in regards to management and delegating responsibilities, financial literacy and self assessment, he needs a lot of work in those areas. Whether the school he plans to build is private or not, professionalism, the proper handling of people, leadership in regards to management and delegating responsibilities, financial literacy and self assessment are all vital attributes that an Educator/Administrator should have. These attributes are what enable us to not only build and maintain institutions but also build the trustworthy relationships and confidence parents and communities need in us to genuinely work with the children. Many of the things Dr. Umar has done and continues to do betrays that trust or makes parents and communities not confident in his ability to lead. Not because they're coons or scared of the white man, it's just hard for some parents to see their son walking through the doors of a future school and being safe with someone like Dr. Umar at its helm. As an educator myself there are times I would like to say a lot of things publicly yet it's not in the best interest of my students, families or community as a whole. In the Five Percent we call that power of decorum "refinement."

For me it's never been about credentials, it's always been about character with Dr. Umar. That character includes being transparent, professional and making his word his bond about what he says he's doing. When you're accepting advance money or other resources from people simply based upon an idea you have, you owe it to them to be transparent and it make's it that much more important to be professional and a person of your word. I've known authors who have accepted advance money from people for a future book who now have a bad business reputation because they either sent the book months after its release date or had poor customer service or shipping issues. I never wanted to be in a position like that so I always vowed to not accept anything upfront that people would not get an immediate return on. This talk about character is not an individual standard I exclusively have for Dr. Umar, it's a cultural norm I live by as a Five Percenter and the lens I view myself and anyone else through. All of us have work to do in regards to intrapersonal development. Yet that intrapersonal development is ultimately for interpersonal development. It is our critique of each other in this developmental process, not criticism, that helps empower our growth. 

Peace,
Saladin