Anyone who has read my writings, listened to my interviews or personally interacted with me knows that I often talk about my upbringing. More specifically, I talk about my Ole Earth [Mother] being a Social Psychologist and how that experience helped shape part of my identity. The older I became the more I realized how uncommon it was to hear, "study their family dynamics" as a teenager when I shared with her my interest in a girl. I was a teenager and had no idea what studying family dynamics meant or how it was done. There wasn't a road map. It took years of experience, and the development of my executive brain function, to begin understanding this. Prior to this, I looked at a girl as an individual without studying how her ideas, interactions, behaviors, influences and relationships with her family helped shape her identity. Yes, I would casually recognize when she didn't have a relationship with her father, the kind of diet she had, what her family's social economic status was, what her interests were, and her comfort level with intimacy. I didn't try to unpack all of that and took it on face value. I remember my parents prompting me to 'think deeper' about the girls that I was interested in by sharing commentary about their family, asking questions that revealed their family dynamics, and directly engaging them when they visited our home. I wasn't really interested in that. Like with my own upbringing, I simply took her upbringing for granted and didn't look too far beyond her as an individual. As I grew beyond my teenage years and entered college, I really began to recognize the impact of our family dynamics.
I am a middle child of seven children. My home environment was a hodge podge of social commentary, musical instruments, board games, family meals, outings, sports, community engagement, and a Pan-African flag. I grew up around African artifacts, books like a DSM-III-R [Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders], Baldwin's The Fire Next Time, and Khalil Gibran's Spirits Rebellious. We watched films like Dolemite, Sweet Sweetback's Baadasssss Song, Shaka Zulu, The Spook Who Sat by The Door and had family discussions afterwards. My family used The Book of Questions like a party game, which enabled my parents to see and respond to ideas that my siblings and I were entertaining and bringing into our household. My Ole Earth would literally take those of us who were closest in age "people watching", where we go to a public space such as a mall or a park just to observe, analyze, and comment on people. She was sharping our critical observation and deductive reason skills. Looking back, it feels like I grew up in a kind of laboratory. However, it wasn't some sterile, cold, all-white LED lit environment. It was a culturally rich courageous space where ideas about our identity and the world were constantly examined, tested and studied. It was not perfect, it was productive. These were just some of the influences within my immediate home environment that I am still learning to process and unpack. As I began to study my genealogy, other layers of my family dynamics began to reveal themselves, giving me an even deeper understanding of who I am. In this process, I've also come to realize that many people are not intentional about studying family dynamics. I wasn't intentional like that, even though I had all kinds of resources available to me.
"Without knowing how some of our life experiences anchor our identity, it is difficult to understand their psychological, social, physical, and financial impact in, on, and around our lives."
Our family dynamics help shape who we are, for better or for worst. It's the forces that define our family. These forces are the role that we play in our family, the rules that we learn to live by, our boundaries, how we communicate, and the way that power is defined and distributed. I've met dark-skinned Black men who truly believe that they don't see color, yet they only date Caucasian women with blond hair and blue eyes. What in their family dynamics and their experiences helped inform that decision? I've also known women who held their happiness hostage because they struggled with the Intimacy vs Isolation idea of "Will I be loved, or will I be alone?" What in their family dynamics and their experiences helped inform that decision?
Most of us are familiar with IQ which represents our Intelligence Quotient. It is a standardized test that measures our cognitive abilities or how smart we are. EQ is our Emotional Quotient, which measures how we understand and manage our emotions. CQ is our Cultural Quotient. CQ is our ability to understand and navigate diverse cultural environments and interact with people from various cultural backgrounds. It is an intelligence that is cognitive and emotional. While our CQ can be measured using standard questionnaires, the real test of our cultural intelligence is evident in our life. When we look at the results of how we live, that is how we are graded. Every day you can see social media content of someone doing something that shows that they don't have a clue how to navigate diverse cultural environments and interact with people from various cultural backgrounds. Whether that is a Facebook post from someone denigrating people that they want financial support from or a video of a racist being chased off for showing up at a Black Awards Show with a sign saying, "Black Parents Are Failures." Studying our family dynamics and the family dynamics of others helps improve our CQ. It enables us to better understand ourselves, the culture we were raised in, how to navigate diverse cultural environments and interact with people from various cultural backgrounds.
Without question, there existed a culture in our household. Regardless of what we choose to call ourselves, be it Christian, Muslim, Moor, Five Percenters, Black, etc., there were cultural influences that defined our family and how we view family today. Those influences were/are the role that we play in our family, the rules that we learned to live by, our boundaries, how we communicate, and the way that power was/is defined and distributed in those relationships. When we lack CQ, this cultural tone-deafness or lack of awareness is evident in our people activities, especially in our relationships. That includes those of us who live the culture of the Five Percent and how we relate to one another. As men within the Five Percent, it's important to ask ourselves how do we 'cee' the Moon in our Universal Flag that the number 7 is superimposed over. In what ways can superimposition obstruct one's view? What wisdom does this Moon symbolize, as it relates to the life of a woman without children? What role does our EQ play in processing and unpacking questions like this? Simply looking at our 'universal flag' has implications for our how we view our 'universal family'. There is a psychological, social, and financial impact of not realizing that we are looking at these celestial bodies, the Sun, Moon and the Stars, from the vantage point of our terrestrial home; the Earth. Because we are clearly witnessing these objects and their relationships from our planet, how does this inform and define the family dynamics in our home? What role does our IQ play in all of this? When we learn that "the Earth belongs to the Original Man?" in the first lesson in our 1-14, does 'belong' mean ownership (The Earth is the possession of the Original Man), membership (The Earth is a part of the Original Man), or both? How are these perspectives demonstrated within our language, our lessons, and our customs? In what ways can these perspectives positively or negatively influence the gender roles that we play, the rules that we live by, our boundaries, how we communicate, and the way that power [control] is defined and distributed in our relationships? How do these and other questions ultimately affect our Five Percenter CQ?
It's important to understand that the family we were born into is a training ground for our relationships and the family that we choose or don't choose to create. This foundational experience that we were born into informs and influences the experiences that we choose or don't choose to have today. We may be aware of some of those experiences and how they affect(ed) us. There are other experiences that we've had, and we don't know how they affect(ed) us. Sometimes we may need a therapist to help recall, process, and unpack these experiences. All of the time it's up to us to do something about it to improve our personal quality of life, and the quality of our relationships. This also requires a level of courage, to be vulnerable enough, to grow.
Peace,
Saladin, #AtlantisBuild








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