Family Dynamics and our CQ [Cultural Quotient]?

Prom Night, 1993

 

     Anyone who has read my writings, listened to my interviews or personally interacted with me knows that I often talk about my upbringing. More specifically, I talk about my Ole Earth [Mother] being a Social Psychologist and how that experience helped shape part of my identity. The older I became the more I realized how uncommon it was to hear, "study their family dynamics" as a teenager when I shared with her my interest in a girl. I was a teenager and had no idea what studying family dynamics meant or how it was done. There wasn't a road map. It took years of experience, and the development of my executive brain function, to begin understanding this. Prior to this, I looked at a girl as an individual without studying how her ideas, interactions, behaviors, influences and relationships with her family helped shape her identity. Yes, I would casually recognize when she didn't have a relationship with her father, the kind of diet she had, what her family's social economic status was, what her interests were, and her comfort level with intimacy. I didn't try to unpack all of that and took it on face value. I remember my parents prompting me to 'think deeper' about the girls that I was interested in by sharing commentary about their family, asking questions that revealed their family dynamics, and directly engaging them when they visited our home. I wasn't really interested in that. Like with my own upbringing, I simply took her upbringing for granted and didn't look too far beyond her as an individual. As I grew beyond my teenage years and entered college, I really began to recognize the impact of our family dynamics. 

    I am a middle child of seven children. My home environment was a hodge podge of social commentary, musical instruments, board games, family meals, outings, sports, community engagement, and a Pan-African flag. I grew up around African artifacts, books like a DSM-III-R [Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders], Baldwin's The Fire Next Time, and Khalil Gibran's Spirits Rebellious. We watched films like Dolemite, Sweet Sweetback's Baadasssss Song, Shaka Zulu, The Spook Who Sat by The Door and had family discussions afterwards. My family used The Book of Questions like a party game, which enabled my parents to see and respond to ideas that my siblings and I were entertaining and bringing into our household. My Ole Earth would literally take those of us who were closest in age "people watching", where we go to a public space such as a mall or a park just to observe, analyze, and comment on people. She was sharping our critical observation and deductive reason skills. Looking back, it feels like I grew up in a kind of laboratory. However, it wasn't some sterile, cold, all-white LED lit environment. It was a culturally rich courageous space where ideas about our identity and the world were constantly examined, tested and studied. It was not perfect, it was productive. These were just some of the influences within my immediate home environment that I am still learning to process and unpack. As I began to study my genealogy, other layers of my family dynamics began to reveal themselves, giving me an even deeper understanding of who I am. In this process, I've also come to realize that many people are not intentional about studying family dynamics. I wasn't intentional like that, even though I had all kinds of resources available to me. 

"Without knowing how some of our life experiences anchor our identity, it is difficult to understand their psychological, social, physical, and financial impact     in, on, and around our lives."   

   Our family dynamics help shape who we are, for better or for worst. It's the forces that define our family. These forces are the role that we play in our family, the rules that we learn to live by, our boundaries, how we communicate, and the way that power is defined and distributed. I've met dark-skinned Black men who truly believe that they don't see color, yet they only date Caucasian women with blond hair and blue eyes. What in their family dynamics and their experiences helped inform that decision? I've also known women who held their happiness hostage because they struggled with the Intimacy vs Isolation idea of "Will I be loved, or will I be alone?" What in their family dynamics and their experiences helped inform that decision?

     One of my biggest challenges has been in the area of EQ or Emotional Intelligence. Many years into adulthood I realized that I never learned how to use words to identify and communicate my emotions. Sounds wild huh? Well, many males don't. Why else do you think women share the same story that, "He shuts me out and doesn't talk to me." Many of us never learned how. Literally! We never learned to recognize and express what we are feeling is called disappointment and not anger, anxious and not fear, frustration and not rage. All we really learn is happy and mad, and as males we are not allowed to be sad... or too happy. Even in the household where I grew up in with an emotionally intelligent Ole Dad who never apologized or hide his face when he cried, I still never learned how to identify and communicate with words how I feel. Whenever he and my Ole Earth had a conflict, he would simply turn around and walk out. Not out of our family's life, out of the house. Once he calmed down, he would return later on. He would not stand there and communicate how he felt, especially to a woman who had the wisdom of The Oracle from The Matrix and a Richard Pryor sense of humor. When my Ole Dad would return after cooling off, and if my Ole Earth was in the wrong, she would never apologize or acknowledge that in front of the family. She would simply show him she was apologetic by offering him a casual hug, a light-hearted kiss, and joking conversation. My Ole Dad never immediately engaged or embraced this and it always took him time to recalibrate his system and get back to a sense of peace. That's what I learned. Because I've never been married, when I walked off, a woman may never have a conversation with me again if I felt that strongly about the conflict. Sometimes this was appropriate and saved me a life of misery. Most of the time my reaction was bullsh*t. It was my inability to communicate how I felt and not having a deeper commitment to working things out. My inability to communicate was expressed as indifference and an unwillingness to further engage. Some males express this inability to communicate in different ways, and it's usually expressed through sex and/or violence; with their d*cks and/or fists. Me saying, "f*ck it" by walking off is a variation of males saying "I'mma f*ck you/f*ck somebody else" and/or "I'mma f*ck you/f*ck somebody else up." All of these expressions are rooted in not identifying what we are feeling, learning the words to communicate this, and being positively received when we actually do. 

   When I realized this and began doing the work to learn how to effectively communicate, I also began to see that some women have never been with men like this. I've been in relationships with women who I did not know how to effectively communicate with. I've also been in relationships with women who simply did not know how to effectively communicate with me. One time it took me three days to write and send a text message to a woman expressing how I felt about a conflict that we had. In the past, I would have been a ghost; leaving her with our memories as context clues to figure out what happened between us. This was different and I was in a different space. I was intentional about communicating and vulnerable enough to trust her with my feelings. I proudly sent that text message only to receive an almost auto-reply text that felt like I was Frankie Williams in Piper's Pit. For some dudes, they would have used that experience as an excuse to never be vulnerable again. Not me. I looked at it for what it was, that love is an inner and outer journey that can be painful, also promising, and always insightful. While that experience hurt, it did not discourage me to give up on love. In fact, I got engaged sometime after that to the love of my life. 

   Most of us are familiar with IQ which represents our Intelligence Quotient. It is a standardized test that measures our cognitive abilities or how smart we are. EQ is our Emotional Quotient, which measures how we understand and manage our emotions. CQ is our Cultural Quotient. CQ is our ability to understand and navigate diverse cultural environments and interact with people from various cultural backgrounds. It is an intelligence that is cognitive and emotional. While our CQ can be measured using standard questionnaires, the real test of our cultural intelligence is evident in our life. When we look at the results of how we live, that is how we are graded. Every day you can see social media content of someone doing something that shows that they don't have a clue how to navigate diverse cultural environments and interact with people from various cultural backgrounds. Whether that is a Facebook post from someone denigrating people that they want financial support from or a video of a racist being chased off for showing up at a Black Awards Show with a sign saying, "Black Parents Are Failures." Studying our family dynamics and the family dynamics of others helps improve our CQ. It enables us to better understand ourselves, the culture we were raised in, how to navigate diverse cultural environments and interact with people from various cultural backgrounds. 

    Without question, there existed a culture in our household. Regardless of what we choose to call ourselves, be it Christian, Muslim, Moor, Five Percenters, Black, etc., there were cultural influences that defined our family and how we view family today. Those influences were/are the role that we play in our family, the rules that we learned to live by, our boundaries, how we communicate, and the way that power was/is defined and distributed in those relationships. When we lack CQ, this cultural tone-deafness or lack of awareness is evident in our people activities, especially in our relationships. That includes those of us who live the culture of the Five Percent and how we relate to one another. As men within the Five Percent, it's important to ask ourselves how do we 'cee' the Moon in our Universal Flag that the number 7 is superimposed over. In what ways can superimposition obstruct one's view? What wisdom does this Moon symbolize, as it relates to the life of a woman without children? What role does our EQ play in processing and unpacking questions like this? Simply looking at our 'universal flag' has implications for our how we view our 'universal family'. There is a psychological, social, and financial impact of not realizing that we are looking at these celestial bodies, the Sun, Moon and the Stars, from the vantage point of our terrestrial home; the Earth. Because we are clearly witnessing these objects and their relationships from our planet, how does this inform and define the family dynamics in our home? What role does our IQ play in all of this? When we learn that "the Earth belongs to the Original Man?" in the first lesson in our 1-14, does 'belong' mean ownership (The Earth is the possession of the Original Man), membership (The Earth is a part of the Original Man), or both? How are these perspectives demonstrated within our language, our lessons, and our customs? In what ways can these perspectives positively or negatively influence the gender roles that we play, the rules that we live by, our boundaries, how we communicate, and the way that power [control] is defined and distributed in our relationships? How do these and other questions ultimately affect our Five Percenter CQ? 

     It's important to understand that the family we were born into is a training ground for our relationships and the family that we choose or don't choose to create. This foundational experience that we were born into informs and influences the experiences that we choose or don't choose to have today. We may be aware of some of those experiences and how they affect(ed) us. There are other experiences that we've had, and we don't know how they affect(ed) us. Sometimes we may need a therapist to help recall, process, and unpack these experiences. All of the time it's up to us to do something about it to improve our personal quality of life, and the quality of our relationships. This also requires a level of courage, to be vulnerable enough, to grow.

Peace,

Saladin, #AtlantisBuild

In Celebration Of Us!

   A God Brother of mine recently got married and he is one of a number of people around the world who have utilized a non-religious Divine Union Rite I created to celebrate this bond. Most recently with the incarnation of my new Queen Anusha I held a private Naming Ceremony to announce her arrival. The Divine Union Rite was created over a decade ago when considering how I could help develop customs to ‘demarcate’ Five Percenter life cycle celebrations that express important transitions in our life. Thus was born a very intricate document that articulated everything from the seasonal symbolism, colors, regalia, structure, officiate dialogue and vows of a Divine Union. Although it was created to express and celebrate core principles and values of the Five Percent I crafted it as a universal template for any couple to use who desired a culturally based non-religious ceremony. The Naming Ceremony was done with the same intention and emphasized our notion that "the babies are the greatest."

   When I came into Knowledge Of Self [KOS] one of the main things I became aware of is what Life Justice calls "the clash of culture." All of us who come into KOS experience this. It is challenging because we have been indoctrinated into Western society and its traditions. This requires us to invest every waking hour of our lives striving to differentiate between what is culturally acceptable or in line with what we call Allah World Manifest [AWM] from what is unacceptable or a part of Yacub's Society [the devil's civilization]. This does not mean that everything about Western Society is wrong; indoctrinated people have a hard time even knowing the difference. When an indoctrinated person descends from an enslaved or colonized people, they are born immersed in the enslavers or colonizers point of view. This is all that they know, and learn to believe, until they learn something different from an outside perspective. An outside perspective is not primarily taught in school or throughout the media because it does not represent the cultural norm or status quo. Even if it appears  to be taught, you often discover that even that perspective is the enslavers and colonizers narrative. This creates a dilemma because KOS exposes you to many irreconcilable differences. Some things, such as dietary habits may be fairly easy to discontinue. Other things, such as practicing certain Western traditions or breaking certain habits may be difficult to break. 

   A custom is a tradition, procedure or form that is specific to a society or group or people. Its goal is the reinforce and perpetuate principles and values for the present and future generations. While some people might believe that certain traditional foods are simply passed on from one generation to the next because of its flavor, a close examination of that dish, its ingredients, its preparation, the time it was shared and under what conditions will reveal something much deeper than tantalizing taste buds. This is custom, and a custom demarcates or distinguishes important events along the life cycle of a people. All people possess them and this is the purpose of celebrations like Passover, National Days for Countries, St. Patrick's Day and others. Even so-called primitive tribes had customs to demarcate or distinguish important events along the life cycle of a people, especially in relation to changes in the natural environment and in sync with celestial events. These events of significance, sometimes shrouded in legends or myths, serve as psychological and social landmarks along a people's cultural landscape. Why? To insure that a people do not lose their way in order to stay the course of reinforcing and perpetuating principles and values for the present and future generations. In one of our lessons about 85% of the population, we learn that they "do not know their origin in this world and worship what they know not" and are "easily led in the wrong direction but hard to be led in the right direction." When a person does not know their origin or place where their people began, it creates a sense of cultural disorientation; having no sense of direction. When a person or people have no sense of direction they become easily led.

   Customs is also the place at a port, boarder or airport where a person and their luggage is checked for taxable goods coming in and out of different territories. As an official department, Customs governs and levies traffic. Consider for a moment how cultural customs serve the purpose of supporting the institutions, resources and economy where people live. Consider when people practice cultural customs that are not theirs, yet still support the institutions, resources and economy where they live but do not control. Also consider when a people do have their customs; they operate like Customs and effectively tax anyone coming into their territory. When you look at many black communities around the United States you are looking at territories without cultural customs or Customs, saturated with foreign and religious trading posts.

   Gaining KOS is not the same as being WOKE. WOKE folks are just walking up, are usually still immersed in Western tradition and typically trade customary insults for injury. In other words, they may not practice Christmas anymore but they will buy everything they need for Kwanzaa from Family Dollar and practice that. While the thought of giving credit to a fat white man coming down a chimney they don't have is insulting, the real injury is the black dollar is still not circulating once in their community. 

   When a person comes into KOS and starts to differentiate between what is culturally acceptable and what is not, we learn that there are certain Western customs that we must no longer participate in. Some of us struggle with this because these customs may be more than just a habit; they may be intimately tied to our family tradition, work culture or our relationships. Our non participation is a break from practicing certain social norms that we no longer agree with. And as a person who no longer participates in certain dietary choices, holidays or other people activities it leaves a void. A void that some of us have tried to replace by "not really" participating in dietary choices, holidays or other people activities or trying to substitute them with a watered down version of the same Westernization. Seeing this void, where people gaining KOS went from having their life structured and defined by Western landmarks, we now are faced with the challenge of restructuring systems with psychological and social landmarks along a newly defined cultural landscape. Customs, as a traditions, are a part of this. This is the reason I saw the importance of crafting a Divine Union Rite and Naming Ceremony. Celebrating the unity of our family, the arrival of our children, and etc. are important. In Western society people typically acknowledge points along one's life cycle based upon driving age, the age of consent, drinking age, the age one can join the military and other arbitrary things. 

   I had private Naming Ceremony for my youngest Queen Anusha on the Winter Solstice which I briefly explain the significance of in the video above. She was born at home with a Midwife, my God Brother Divine's Earth was her Doula and she is not vaccinated. Her full name is Anusha Adjua Quanaah meaning "a bright and morning star of peace and great vision." I did not want to bring her into this world in foreign hands, in a foreign environment or sharing pictures to memorialize that foreign moment like I see so many of my people do, including those of us with KOS. If we don't have customs to define significant events along our life cycle, what are we using, whose interest will that serve and where does that leave our cultural legacy?

Peace,
Saladin

Lover's Lane: What I've Learned In Relationships

   

     One of the most accurate commentaries I've ever heard to describe my life was by Will Smith during an interview with Tavis Smiley. In part, Will Smith said, "The only thing, that I see, that is distinctly different about me is I'm not afraid to die on a treadmill. Right. I will run. I will not be out worked, period. You know, you might have more talent than me. You might be smarter than me. You might be sexier than me. You might be all of those things you got it on me in 9 categories. But if we get on the treadmill together, right, there's two things: you're getting off first or I'm going to die. It's really that simple. ... You're not going to out work me. ... I say all the time, 'If you stay ready you ain't gotta get ready'." I have the exact same attitude. The only difference is I'm not afraid to die on my path or in a library. Over the last decade there are numerous goals I've reached and contributions I've made because of that attitude. Yet with that level of ambition, discipline and time appropriation, there comes many sacrifices. Many. An average day to me begins at sunrise and ends after sundown. In addition to teaching preschoolers during the day and pre-adolescents after school, my weekends consist of activities/events in and out of town. Even with all of this I'm still in my studio producing/recording music or working on articles, books, researching something or etc. Naturally people often ask me how am I able to do so much. Essentially, I'm just pretty good with my time. 

     I'm going to let you in on a little secret... In addition to time appropriation and having a strong brotherhood, one of the reasons I've been able to accomplish so much is because of the critical mass of women I am connected to and love dearly, starting with my young Queens Asiyah and Aziza. If it wasn't for their insight, guidance and support, especially when it comes to their critical analysis of other women, I would have fell victim to some BS a long time ago -like many of us men do. One of the craziest things I've seen men do is start denouncing all of the women in their life once they're in a relationship with one. Because of the life I lead I don't see the functional benefit in curving, cutting off or "acting brand new" with the women in my life simply because I'm in a relationship now. In fact, my Queen would have to genuinely appreciate these women, because she'll be joining a L.O.E.L. [League Of Extraordinary Ladies]. Not every woman is comfortable with this and I respect that. Some men, many men, aren't comfortable with a woman who has a  L.O.E.G. [League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen].  

   When I meet any woman that I'm getting to know, the fundamental question I ask myself is, "What role does she play along my path?" Whether getting to know her evolves into exploring a potential companionship, business relationship or something platonic, I always debrief her about certain things that come along with my path, as I am also debriefed about certain things that come along with hers. In assessing those things, be it personality, profession, core values or principles, it's all about compatibility and congruence when it comes to exploring a potential companionship. I once met a woman who had two things to read in her home besides the mail. She lived in a city for almost a decade yet didn't know where her local library was. Although her profession, looks and sexuality may have been compatible and congruent with someone else, that, among other things, didn't work for me. I couldn't imagine being out in the public, or not being present, and someone asks her opinion about a project I've done, an article I wrote, book I published and she doesn't know what to say because she never saw it, cared to see it or didn't even know it even existed. This is not pride or self importance talking. I'm talking about a person not being genuinely invested in, an Ambassador of or defender of our legacy. Don't get it twisted, this goes both ways. If my Queen was an artist and she had various pieces she's working on, selling and displaying at galleries, I should know the ins and outs about that. I wouldn't want to drop the ball speaking to a person who appreciates the arts or an art collector looking to invest in her work. Of course my twenty-year-old immature self didn't think like this; I evolved and continue to grow. The worst part is some of us men never evolve to think like this and regardless of our path we're only interested in what a woman looks like, what she feels like and what that mouth do. Not a legacy.

                                               "Love is a rose but you better not pick it

It only grows when it's on the vine

A handful of thorns and you'll know you've missed it

You lose your love when you say the word 'mine'."

-Love Is A Rose, Linda Ronstadt-

   As I grow, one of the most important things I've learned is that it's a better investment to share time with a potential companion along our path, not apart from it. Being apart from my path, there are women I've "crossed paths" with, or veered off of my path to share time with, that I don't even cross paths with anymore. Why? Because we crossed paths to begin with. We genuinely didn't share the same path nor were we headed in the same direction. Some of that time I enjoyed. With others, I know my time could have been better invested. Hell, some of them may think the same thing about me. Sharing time along my path means I've learned to invest time with women who are already going in the same direction. Going in the same direction doesn't mean if I'm an MC she got to have bars or we both need to be preschool teachers. I'm talking about sharing some of the same core values, a similar vision of the future and a tangible investment in a legacy. For example, I may work in the field of education, she make work in government, yet we're both pro-advocates for social justice. She may work in the entertainment industry, I may be a tradesman, yet we're both invested in community outreach and volunteerism. Our paths gotta be compatible and compatibility is about being congruent, not clones. We don't need to do the exact same thing, we just need to be headed in the same direction. When people cross paths, they are not going in the same direction. This doesn't mean that crossing paths is wrong or it won't last. Sometimes one or both people who cross paths may join their partner's path or they may choose a new path to share. That can be a very exciting and positive thing! The negative side of crossing paths is when either person tries to force someone on a path they didn't choose for themselves, even if they think or feel it's for all of the right reasons. 

   We all have our own expectations, boundaries and goals in regards to how a companionship should be and look like. Some things that work for others may not work for us. Some things will. As a public figure and one of the more visible representatives of the Five Percenters/Nation of Gods and Earths, there is a definitely degree of scrutiny that comes along with what I do, or don't do, that some don't even think about. As a Preschool Teacher, Author of over a dozen books and now a Human Rights Commissioner for my City, this further compounds that scrutiny. I have to be on point in ways that some could never imagine because they don't share my responsibility. My life is very different than working a 9-5 and then coming home to watch the ball game on T.V. If some dudes choose the wrong companion they can just change their Facebook relationship status and move on. If I choose wrong that would unquestionably affect thousands of people who trust my sense of discernment and see value in the things I consistently do. Over the last few years I've thought a lot about the level of scrutiny my Queen would have to deal with simply because she is by my side. There were some women I once took an interest in I knew would not be able to handle that when I saw how they consistently responded to being scrutinized by a handful of local people. They were overwhelmed. So I knew it would be more difficult for them to cope with people globally scrutinizing them, or coming for them, simply because she's my companion. This is often why you see certain public figures yet not their companion. Their companion is not in the public eye or all over social media to minimize the scrutiny of them, their companionship and the bullsh*t that will come along with that. Usually they were prepared for what to expect; debriefed and coached by public relations staff for how to handle being in the public eye and use social media. I never thought I would be in a place in my life where I would have to even consider things like that and I've only begun to accept that reality over the last few years. In accepting that, I also learned that it would only be right to share that responsibility with someone who is willing and able to positively represent, defend and add-on to our legacy. I, nor she, deserve nothing less than that.

Peace,
Saladin 

Unrequited Love: Gamophobia

Unrequited Love: Gamophobia

In today’s technological age of text messaging, social media and smart phones we have instantaneous access to information, people, places and things unlike ever before. I can literally go online right now and order an item rush delivery from China that will arrive at my doorstep within the week. I talk to my God brother in Ghana like he's next door using a free app and I have successfully hosted a Hip Hop album [Unique Heat Vol 3: Clearer Understanding] produced overseas without having set foot in the UK. That is convenience. The downside to all of this is the minimization and lost of the human touch. With this lost of a human touch has come chronic and temporary emotional unavailability. People may often text instead of talk and tag each other on Facebook/Instagram instead of touch. This growing departure from human contact has also spawned a fear of commitment that manifests itself in the form of 'situationships': per diem relationships. Per diem meaning "per day" or "for each day" because these freelance arrangements have no long term commitment or stability.

When it comes to emotional unavailability, there are various reasons why people have issues with closeness and intimacy. As elaborated on in my book GAMES, some people have emotional unavailability issues going all the way back to their childhood. These issues, sometimes defined as R.A.D. [Reactive Attachment Disorder], classifies children who have a problem forming meaningful attachments/bonds with others. Scientists examined how the lack of attachment (stroking) that babies received over a period of time made them either not respond or react negatively to social attachments with others. In addition to the emotional, social and cognitive components, this lack of response and/or negative reactions towards attachments was also measured in the low or stabilized levels of Oxytocin these children had during pleasurable inter-activities. Children like this, without the proper counseling, tend to carry this into adulthood. Other reasons some people are emotionally unavailable include, but are not limited to, failed relationships, divorce, [sexual, emotional, physical or financial] abuse, trauma, mental illness, parental alienation, addiction, being workaholics and etc. Whatever the cause may be, the effect is the same; a person’s unwillingness or inability to be close to and share space with others. One of the other things that's worth mentioning here in regards to emotional unavailability is the trans-generational trauma First World [Original] People have suffered at the hands of western colonialism, global white supremacy, institutionalization racism and sexism. As a coping mechanism, many of us have learned to not put our thoughts or feelings out there and have been emotionally unavailable to America, so-called Americans and American ideals for generations; our livelihood and survival has depended upon that.

According to Dr. Judith Orloff, psychiatrist/author of Emotional Freedom and other books, the ten key signs that someone is emotionally unavailable are:

1. They are married or in a relationship with someone else.
2. They have one foot on the gas pedal, one foot on the brake.
3. They are emotionally distant, shut down, or can’t deal with conflict.
4. They’re mainly interested in sex, not relating emotionally or spiritually.
5. They are practicing alcoholics, sex addicts, or substance abusers.
6. They prefer long distance relationships, emails, texting, or don’t introduce you to their friends and family.
7. They are elusive, sneaky, frequently working or tired, and may disappear for periods.
8. They are seductive with you but make empty promises — their behavior and words don’t match.
9. They’re narcissistic, only consider themselves, not your needs.
10. They throw you emotional crumbs or enticing hints of their potential to be loving, then withdraw.

While some of these signs are obvious, others aren't so obvious because sometimes people send mixed messages. An example of this dilemma is a person who may be separated, still legally married or still in a quasi-relationship with their Ex while simultaneously presenting themselves as single. They may share themselves with you on various levels yet still be unavailable emotionally when it comes down to true transparency, closeness and intimacy. As a narcissist who is emotionally unavailable, they're comfortable dealing with people at a distance while simultaneously expecting them to be close to them; they desire a commitment from others that they're unwilling or sometimes unable to reciprocate. Sometimes this intimacy dilemma can become a tumultuous relationship similar to fighting Mike Tyson in a phone booth; where every time you get close, you get hurt.  

Aside from recognizing these obvious signs and mixed signals, the biggest challenge for us is accepting what we see and not rationalizing these signs and signals away. Our willingness and ability to see things for what they are, not what they appear to be or what we want them to be, is the key factor in not losing time waiting for unrequited love. Not only do we suffer but our families and communities do as well. How? Because other important areas of our lives get neglected when we prioritize people who only view us as an option. One of the biggest complaints I've had and have heard from others about relationships that didn't work out is the time wasted. Whether a person is dealing with emotional unavailability temporarily, it's chronic or they've been diagnosed with the anxiety disorder Gamophobia [a fear of commitment], as partner or prospective partner it's still time we're investing that we have no way of knowing if it will ever be reciprocated. Some people are simply unwilling or unable to give of themselves in a relationship and need help to get to that place to do so. We may be one of those people and it requires an honest self assessment, willingness and ability to seek that help. Again, and even with that help, there's no way of knowing if this person, or we, will ever be emotionally available. This commitment to self development is the first true commitment they, or we, must make in regards to addressing these issues with commitment and intimacy. And it is through this commitment to self that we learn to develop the trust, honesty, courage and other qualities that are necessary to commit to others who are deserving of us. It's a risk. It's vulnerable. It's frightening at times to depend upon someone to do the right thing with our heart, but it's ultimately worth it when we've found the right person. As people of color in America, the socioeconomic landscape and cultural backdrop has historically created an environment that breeds unrequited love. There are numerous daily challenges we face and open attacks on our self identity that the dominant society doesn't have to consider such as western colonialism, global white supremacy, institutionalization racism and sexism that has distorted our ability to love ourselves and each other. Finding healthy ways to address and define ourselves outside of these conditions is also paramount to our commitment towards self development. Again, it's a risk. It's vulnerable. It's frightening at times to depend upon ourselves and each other to do the right thing outside of these conditions, but it's ultimately worth it when we've found the right alternatives.

Peace,
Saladin

Tapestry of Love; The Fourth Album

Tapestry of Love; The Fourth Album

     If you take a moment to look over at my right side bar and scroll down past my literature you'll some my album covers. My most recent release is called Tapestry of Love; a musical journey that highlights the sensual side of my life. As a creative artist I've been writing poetry, doing Rap performances, producing music and Spoken Word for years now. I've talked/written about it on many occasions, I have a creative arts playlist on A.S.I.A. TV sharing some of my art and I've dedicated a Musicology enthusiast segment of my Atlantis Build Talk Radio Show to feature/discuss various artists, music genres and their cultural impact on the world. In addition to many of the things I do, music is indeed one of my loves. Because of this, I'm always in my studio listening to or creating something.

     Part of my company Quanaah Publishing includes Quahadi Music and it is through Quahadi Music that I've successfully released my music projects. My first release, Brothers from Another Planet, highlights music from my physical brother Golden Sun and I. It's a self described soundtrack to a "mind expansive musical journey" that chronicles our "creative concepts, poetical insights & living experiences" weaving tales of rich Atlantean folklore. As you may tell from the title, it's based upon the classic 1984 film The Brother from Another Planet. My second release, The Emerald Tablet, highlights a lot of my music production. It's called the emerald tablet because it's musically similar to the cryptic piece of Hermetica reputed to contain alchemical secrets of transmutation. In this case, those secrets are sound and it's definitely for the listeners. My third release, Kontact, is based upon the 1997 film Contact about a scientist's race to interpret a possible message originating from the Vega star system. In Kontact, you are the album's lead character; a scientist listening to coded radio transmissions seeking evidence of Hip Hop's Extra Celestial life. You learn that each song contains lyrics of technical drawings that reveal a complex world of advanced civilizations, subterranean folklore and self exploration. Through this sequence of sound sent from a star light years away, you've been chosen to make first contact. All of these albums are unique and share different dimensions of who I am, lyrically and production wise.

     Tapestry of Love is a very different album than my first three. In the midst of choosing tracks for my album Kontact, an entirely separate body of work began to emerge. Some of the tracks I produced/recorded didn't fit with the story line so I put them aside. Over time I began to produce/record other tracks and this became a tapestry of uncensored pieces about love; my personal experiences, observations and aspirations. This album is a side of me I wanted to share because many of you are only used to seeing my journalistic, youth advocate, public speaking, community outreach side. Here's the official 17 track list as shown on the back cover of the album:

-In Her Eyes
-Incantations of the Earth
-Karamel Sutra
-Love Child
-Yemaya

-Immersion interlude
-Soul Caliber feat. Beerlahai-roi
-Tapestry of Love
-Woman of All Seasons
-World’s Apart interlude
-Forgotten Palaces of the Opal Queen
-Filtered Dreams
-Inspiration interlude
-Hours
-Heaven’s Gate
-Karamel Sutra *Remix
-Tapestry of Love *Willow Remix

     So if you're a music enthusiast like myself, take a moment to check out Tapestry of Love and any of my albums. Thank You in advance and Peace!

Saladin



Silhouettes of the Soul

A Book of Poetry and Prose by Roger A. Talley

 

Silhouettes of the Soul is the second book published through my company Quanaah Publishing and this has been a very inspiring journey reading and editing Roger A. Talley's writings. As a Poet myself, who hadn't written in this style in quite some time, Roger reawakened in me feelings that I hadn't poetically articulated in a while. Silhouettes is his personal testimony of being embraced by love, strengthening his spirit, and learning to live a full life; a poetic commentary about his quest to gain understanding and increase the value of family, friendship, and faith in his own abilities.

The Author, Roger A. Talley, was born and raised in Los Angeles, California until moving to Detroit, Michigan in his late teens. At 21 he joined the U.S. Army and dedicated eight years of service to the military.

A career in Law Enforcement soon followed until a tragic accident ended his career and the new millennium brought new career opportunities. Roger found himself pursuing a career in the Casino Industry, and currently holds a position in Management at Seneca Niagara Casino in Niagara Falls, New York with the vision and intent to achieve a top level management position. He is currently in pursuit of his Master's degree in Business Management at Empire State College to attain his goal. His leadership and intellectual abilities have been augmented by his love of life, willingness to learn and new found opportunities for growth. Roger has an uncanny ability to navigate through the negative inevitabilities of life always effectuating a positive end. He strives to keep his public and private life aligned, always keeping his eyes on the prize.      

I want to thank Roger for sharing his intimate experiences and illustrations about love in a way that reminds me of what I've once shared and strive to share once again. His book, and a Woman very close to me, were the inspiration behind various poems I've written recently and my musical piece My Tapestry of Love.

 



My Tapestry of Love...

I want to thank Author Asia M. Jackson (Rarity of Beauty and The Rose Thorn's Purpose) who helped in the editing and artistic development of Silhouettes of the Soul and Author D. Scott (Stay in Your Lane) for her consulting and business acumen.   

If you would like to purchase a copy, Silhouettes of the Soul is now available directly through our E-Store, Quanaah Publishing, Amazon, and can be ordered through any bookstore or store that sells books Globally.

 

Peace,

Saladin


Community Circles
-How The Mighty Have Fallen-

 

Our Communities are not destroyed for lack of knowledge. People know what's wrong, especially those of us who live within the Community, that confront these problems each and every day. Our Communities are apathetically destroyed for lack of sacrifice. Many of us are simply unwilling to look out for one another, even our own children, in order to secure personal possessions and creature comforts for ourselves.

My father, Philip Frank, is a Painter by trade and an Artist/Musician at heart. As a teenager he played the bass in a group called The El Moroccos. It was my father’s influence where I developed a great love for music, nature, and culture. In second grade when I was asked what I wanted to be when I grew up I told my teacher Mrs. Smith, “A Zoologist!” My favorite animal was a ‘jaguarundi’ and my father, my twin brothers, and myself would watch animal/nature programs religiously. Whether it was National Geographic, Wild America, Nova, Wild Wild World of Animals, and etc., if it was on, we saw it. My father also collected African art and taught us about our classical civilizations and cultural traditions prior to slavery. Recognizing the Dinka tribe from the Masai tribe, learning the story of General Hannibal, and understanding our story in America was common knowledge in our household. I also learned that I am the great-great-great grandson of Josiah Henson; forerunner of the Underground Railroad, founder of a Community of fugitive slaves in Dresden, Ontario Canada and the British-American Vocational Institute. It was through my father that I gained my cultural consciousness and developed my interpersonal relationship with the Planet.

My mother, Lois Frank, was a Psychologist/Sociologist by trade. One of my earliest memories of her is being gathering up on rainy days with a few of my siblings and put into our Pontiac Grand Safari to go look for "our buddies". She'd drive us around the city until we found our buddies and once we saw them she would tell us to wave, and we would return home. Our buddies were a group of four homeless people who sought shelter from the rain underneath an overpass. Over time, my siblings and I began to initiate these outings by asking our mother could we go look for our buddies when it rained. With that simple gesture, our mother successfully taught us to identify with others and a social condition synonymous with rain. Years later I would implement the same Parenting techniques by taking my school age daughters to "the lunch place". Nine years later my eldest daughter, Asiyah, would write about these experiences, the people she met, and how this positively shaped her life on College entry essays. All this time she never knew that the lunch place was the Community Soup Kitchen. Asiyah is now graduating High School and will be pursuing a career in Forensic Psychology at Howard University in our Nation's Capitol. It was through my mother that I gained my social consciousness and developed my interpersonal relationship to the World.

Along my journey there are many who have added onto and reinforced the foundation my parents have laid. Those people who have played and often still play the most significant roles in my growth and development have been people who understood the meaning of sacrifice. From my eldest sibling Brad Frank who would invest his own money and get resources to train my peers and I in the summer for the upcoming football season, to Rev. Kenneth James who kept his office, church, and home open to us who were seeking guidance and support in becoming boys to men. There were business owners like Carmen Jones, Mr. Brown, Beechie, Mr. Williamson, Arthur Ray, Howard, Ms. Theresa, Ms. Price, and etc., Youth Advocates like Knuckles, Virgil, Greg Lewis, Reggie McCreary, Hamp, Garth and various others too numerous to mention who took ownership of our neighborhoods and sacrificed their personal time and finances to insure that my present generation would be here today. It was through their collective work, responsibility, and examples that I understand what Community is about, and I actively build upon this legacy with the things that I do.

One thing that I've found in common with all of the people that I mentioned above was their sense of sacrifice. As Business Owners it was never about making themselves rich off of the support from the Community. It was about providing a service and  reciprocating the money the Community paid for these services by supporting other Businesses, Organizations, and Institutions within our Community; Beechy would buy groceries at Mr. Brown's store down the block, and Mr. Brown would get his hair cut at Beechie's Barbershop. Our dollar circulated a few times before leaving our Community and this type of support for one another strengthened the socioeconomic integrity of our families and thus our Community as a whole. We sacrificed personal gains to ensure that we collectively prospered.

I was  recently asked, "What type of vision do I have for our Community?" My answer is that is, I have the same vision as those who came before me. The same vision I benefited from that I share with my own children and our present generation: our greatest natural resource and Ambassadors of the future. I see people taking more pride in our Community because they're home owners. I see people who were once discriminated against because of a non-violent offense they committed fifteen years ago being business owners, employed, and providing a service to a neighborhood they once took from. I see Sunday no longer being the most segregated day of the week because our Religious Community is now working as a Community; collectively supporting, protecting, and providing programs and activities for the most vulnerable elements of our Society: women, children, seniors, the poor/unemployed, and the handicapped. I see our Community no longer relying on an underfunded, understaffed police force to resolve all our problems and keep our neighborhoods safe from ourselves. I see us policing ourselves, as guardian angels, who have taken an active stance against crime, juvenile delinquency, and family dysfunction. I see our Community investing in our youth by supporting the cultural arts, recreation centers, entertainment, and educational opportunities that encourage their positive growth & development. Lastly and most importantly, I see our Community as ours; a place our ancestors migrated to with goals of building, supporting, and perpetuating a better life for each other.

The decline of any Community is marked by its members unwillingness and inability to protect and provide for its most vulnerable elements: women, children, seniors, the poor/unemployed, and the handicapped. Establishing resources to protect and provide for these family elements builds the compound called a Community. In order to restore this place, we must be willing and able to sacrifice the "I" for "We", the "Mine" for "Ours", and the "Me & You" for "Us". If we all do a little, no one needs to do a lot. In the rebuilding process one of our greatest enemies is apathy; the lack of interest, enthusiasm, or concern for each other and rebuilding our Community. Many of our Politicians, Religious Leaders, Parents, Businesses, and Organizations are apathetic. It's impossible for a Community to deteriorate, on the watch of those who care. When we care we're concerned. Concern means we're able to relate and when we're able to relate we can establish relationships; the intimate glue that holds our families, neighborhoods, and Communities together. This is a rebuilding process that doesn't happen over night. It's a long term investment in each other, and more specifically our children. It's the type of posture that inspires, empowers, and educates our children to develop a relationship with our Community. It's also the type of posture that encourages our children to take ownership of our Community when we are no longer here. I am the result of this posture and learned, through the sacrifice of others, my role, relationship and responsibility to our Community. After studying Therapeutic/Recreation at Central State University in Wilberforce, OH, I returned to WNY and have diligently worked as a Youth Mentor for over a decade. I have authored/published several books on the subject of Social Commentary, worked as a Program Consultant for an episode of the History Channel Series 'Gangland', started a Prison Correspondence Project, created/financed various other Community Initiatives/Youth Programs, and have partnered with many Institutions that advocate for the same common Community causes. While many have praised me for these efforts I constantly remind them that I am because we are. I am the result of many others, known and unknown, who have sacrificed their time, finances, and lives to pave the way for me to have these opportunities to contribute to a rich ancestral legacy. I am not apathetic because I saw many who cared and demonstrated their love for one another.

When a Community doesn't function as a circle-like Ecosystem of positive human resources, it simply becomes a negative, vicious, parasitic cycle amongst its members. If we, as members of our Community, are apathetic about the process of building it, we are the very elements that bring about its destruction. In conclusion, I leave you all with this question: What type of vision do you have for our Community, and what sacrifices are you willing/able to make to help bring this vision to life?

Peace,
Saladin



- Zulfiqar-

To Know
 

I was watching the Fourth season, fourth disc of the "Fringe" series : A Short Story About Love. It led us to a series of thoughts in which I would like to share with my universal family (as well as my enemies who follow all my footsteps in the attempt to find out about being God without giving of themselves to get it).

First of all, linguist are extraordinary people: to speak several languages is quite an accomplishment. Those who achieve it, do so out of the desire to understand others. People only speak out of the desire to express their thoughts. Thoughts are birthed through wisdom. They are considerations concerning a topic. They are not birthed physically, but mentally. The words chosen are born to communicate that particular understanding one has concerning something--like these words I born unto you through my epiphany. Cee is to understand as seeing is to the third eye which integrates our experiences: That understanding can only be communicated to another who cares. This is what love is all about--to give a damn concerning your fellow man (something which has been far removed from consideration in today's current trends concerning popular culture).

A linguist then, cares enough about other human beings from different cultures to want to explore the words they use -so they can understand humanity better. The words they use reflect their level of understanding and degree of civilization.  Speaking of which, as wise as they say the Greeks were, when they coined the word "Philosophy" they did so to represent the love of wisdom--yet there is only one thing wrong with that hypothesis: The Greek word, Philos (as in Philadelphia), does not mean love (as other White scholars estimate), it means like. Now a few of you scientists who are up on this, may offer the word, "eros" for consideration, but that word "eros" is more like passion and sensualism (like erotic), but without the care, concern, compassion that love brings: It is more like lust or overgrown infatuation (like the lyrics to Roy Ayers. . . At first I thought it was infatuation, but it lasted so long). . . Could it be that the reason the Greeks had to say like of wisdom (philosophy), instead of love of wisdom, is because they had not a word in their language for this concept--primarily because the Classic Greeks (as a people) had not evolved to this level of experience and therefore understanding? You make the call. All I am saying (like in the Obama vs. Romney first debate), Europeans are not as classically civilized as they would want to make the world believe.

These thoughts bring to my conscious realm (or sphere of awareness), the lyrics from a song "To Know" by Full Moon: To know somebody really cares about you, makes every little thing around you come alive. . . or U Roy's "I Can't Love Another" intro: Love I or leave I. . . because if you ain't got love you ain't got nothin'. . . Doesn't our own lessons teach that "Civilize means to teach knowledge and wisdom of the human family of the planet earth (2/1-14)? To really know, we must consider and is that not a form of the knowledge and the wisdom? Do we not have a jewel and a quality within the alphabets that reflect this level of care, consideration and concern called Love? Do we not get it?  We will not receive the jewel unless we use it for a tool--but many will not because they have been fooled (21-25/1-36). That's because some of us have their heads too far up the colored man's arse to know we are living out "their culture"! Why did God make devil anyway? To show forth and prove his powers: That He is all wise and righteous, and that he could make a Devil, which is weak and wicked and give him the power to rule the earth for six thousand years: Then destroy the devil in one day without falling victim to the Devil's civilization. . . Are we waiting for that one day or are we just trying to get in where we fit in within the Devil's culture--having a slice of Devil's pie (like D'Angelo sings)?

We the people who are Blacker than the blues we have in America, have gone through many things: In and out of doors (10/1-40), out in the streets, being rejected by other kinds who advocated the Mystery God/Devil concept, fighting and killing one another (4/1-14). We believed what the Devil had said. We blamed ourselves for not being "more like Mike" (like the Devil). Many of us began to hate ourselves and those who look like us. There has been a White Doll, Black Doll Test where little Black girls were told to pick their favorite doll amongst a string of different types of dolls and outstanding numbers picked the White dolls. . . I think we appreciate the conditions of White people in the Devil's civilization, more than the Blackman's place. Many of us believe what Whites said, never thinking that Blacks could amount to anything. In current day themes, the average Blackman has so much inner rage within him (due to this oppressive environment), it doesn't take much to set it off--a major factor in Black on Black crimes and murder. This is a classic case of: I'm not Ok, and nor is anyone else! [For more information read "I'm Ok, You're Ok"].

I heard that there were some who think they could rival the feat our Father Allah did when he created our Supreme Mathematics, Supreme Alphabets and Twelve Jewels. Good luck! You have not reached the point where you have that type of understanding because you are rivaling Allah! He did it to help us understand Life and our origin in this word. Not to be jealous of one another. Allah is our collective conscious and those who seek to stand outside of the cipher, do not see themselves as. There is no many "Allahs", there is only one Allah. There is no "minds", just one Mind and that Mind be Universal. The illusion is You and I verse. We converse to form understanding. It is not how you Cee it, or your understanding when we are seeking the truth. There is one foundation, which is essentially the knowledge. Your level of understanding is based upon your development which indicates the limit of your growth. Those who think this way do not see the Oneness of We, nor do they care for us, therefore they do not see themselves as Us.

I once met a brother who taught someone who eventually became a Mason. When I told him of this he seemed nonchalant about the whole affair. I was much more concerned. My lessons teach "we do not believe in the teachings of Ten percent" (16/1-40) and the Ten percent are "rich slave makers of the poor" (15/1-40). They are Blood Suckers of the poor--the hookwink-ers of society. We taught some earnest seeming colored people to "give them a chance to clean themselves up" (9/1-14), but we did not do it out of love: It was out of justice. This is why the sword is placed above his head. What is the purpose of that sword? The next degree tells you that these folks (the colored) man will not keep and obey the laws. So what must be done with them? And who are these Black Masons? Was Prince Hall, Absalom Jones and Richard Allen the ones who promised to keep the White man's status quo? Malcolm called them religious Uncle Toms. The Qu'ran speaks of them in the second surah. These are the ones who pretend they are with you when they are in your company and talk about you when they are with their evil doing partners. Do they share their secrets? It is obvious that they conspire against us, because they look outside us for answers--attempting to get the crumbs which fall from the plate of the White Masons--all in the attempt to get rich quick like the get rich themes. In case you haven't noticed, your knowledge-at-a-cipher in the Alphabet is the other side of your knowledge-at-a-cipher when one does not keep and obey the laws of Islam (10/1-14). This makes it clear.

Therefore you should watch those who take what you give them and join something else which was used to enslave our people--coming in the name of. You can't trust it or them. Watch the company you keep, for they will creep you in your sleep. They are not loved regardless to how long they study. As I speak of this, watch the response and comments of those who are and you shall see who are your brothers. . . Some of your b-r-others are born to rule others--especially those who wear the words "daru-Islam" on their fez. That's why we do not believe in their teachings. There is only one Self; One Universe; One body or embodiment of Allah.

As I said, many of us were out of doors, in the street, beaten and killed by the ones who advocated that kind of God and those teachings (11/1-40). It is very understandable how one would develop a lack of love, since the colored man usually makes us an example for every law we break -but he also does not build prison houses for his people. . . (29/1-40). But our lessons speak of love, peace and happiness. It is part of our jewels and language. We have to get out of our street mentallity and current behavior within today's society (within the Devil's Civilization [40/1-40]) and into the reality that love is understanding and the best part of the original. Through love we are one--but watch out for the snakes that creep into your company;

Peace,

Universal