Founder/CEO

Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts

Saturday, January 26, 2019

In Celebration Of Us!



   A God Brother of mine recently got married and he is one of a number of people around the world who have utilized a non-religious Divine Union Rite I created to celebrate this bond. Most recently with the incarnation of my new Queen Anusha I held a private Naming Ceremony to announce her arrival. The Divine Union Rite was created over a decade ago when considering how I could help develop customs to ‘demarcate’ Five Percenter life cycle celebrations that express important transitions in our life. Thus was born a very intricate document that articulated everything from the seasonal symbolism, colors, regalia, structure, officiate dialogue and vows of a Divine Union. Although it was created to express and celebrate core principles and values of the Five Percent I crafted it as a universal template for any couple to use who desired a culturally based non-religious ceremony. The Naming Ceremony was done with the same intention and emphasized our notion that "the babies are the greatest."

   When I came into Knowledge Of Self [KOS] one of the main things I became aware of is what Life Justice calls "the clash of culture." All of us who come into KOS experience this. It is challenging because we have been indoctrinated into Western society and its traditions. This requires us to invest every waking hour of our lives striving to differentiate between what is culturally acceptable or in line with what we call Allah World Manifest [AWM] from what is unacceptable or a part of Yacub's Society [the devil's civilization]. This does not mean that everything about Western Society is wrong; indoctrinated people have a hard time even knowing the difference. When an indoctrinated person descends from an enslaved or colonized people, they are born immersed in the enslavers or colonizers point of view. This is all that they know, and learn to believe, until they learn something different from an outside perspective. An outside perspective is not primarily taught in school or throughout the media because it does not represent the cultural norm or status quo. Even if it appears  to be taught, you often discover that even that perspective is the enslavers and colonizers narrative. This creates a dilemma because KOS exposes you to many irreconcilable differences. Some things, such as dietary habits may be fairly easy to discontinue. Other things, such as practicing certain Western traditions or breaking certain habits may be difficult to break. 

   A custom is a tradition, procedure or form that is specific to a society or group or people. Its goal is the reinforce and perpetuate principles and values for the present and future generations. While some people might believe that certain traditional foods are simply passed on from one generation to the next because of its flavor, a close examination of that dish, its ingredients, its preparation, the time it was shared and under what conditions will reveal something much deeper than tantalizing taste buds. This is custom, and a custom demarcates or distinguishes important events along the life cycle of a people. All people possess them and this is the purpose of celebrations like Passover, National Days for Countries, St. Patrick's Day and others. Even so-called primitive tribes had customs to demarcate or distinguish important events along the life cycle of a people, especially in relation to changes in the natural environment and in sync with celestial events. These events of significance, sometimes shrouded in legends or myths, serve as psychological and social landmarks along a people's cultural landscape. Why? To insure that a people do not lose their way in order to stay the course of reinforcing and perpetuating principles and values for the present and future generations. In one of our lessons about 85% of the population, we learn that they "do not know their origin in this world and worship what they know not" and are "easily led in the wrong direction but hard to be led in the right direction." When a person does not know their origin or place where their people began, it creates a sense of cultural disorientation; having no sense of direction. When a person or people have no sense of direction they become easily led.

   Customs is also the place at a port, boarder or airport where a person and their luggage is checked for taxable goods coming in and out of different territories. As an official department, Customs governs and levies traffic. Consider for a moment how cultural customs serve the purpose of supporting the institutions, resources and economy where people live. Consider when people practice cultural customs that are not theirs, yet still support the institutions, resources and economy where they live but do not control. Also consider when a people do have their customs; they operate like Customs and effectively tax anyone coming into their territory. When you look at many black communities around the United States you are looking at territories without cultural customs or Customs, saturated with foreign and religious trading posts.

   Gaining KOS is not the same as being WOKE. WOKE folks are just walking up, are usually still immersed in Western tradition and typically trade customary insults for injury. In other words, they may not practice Christmas anymore but they will buy everything they need for Kwanzaa from Family Dollar and practice that. While the thought of giving credit to a fat white man coming down a chimney they don't have is insulting, the real injury is the black dollar is still not circulating once in their community. 

   When a person comes into KOS and starts to differentiate between what is culturally acceptable and what is not, we learn that there are certain Western customs that we must no longer participate in. Some of us struggle with this because these customs may be more than just a habit; they may be intimately tied to our family tradition, work culture or our relationships. Our non participation is a break from practicing certain social norms that we no longer agree with. And as a person who no longer participates in certain dietary choices, holidays or other people activities it leaves a void. A void that some of us have tried to replace by "not really" participating in dietary choices, holidays or other people activities or trying to substitute them with a watered down version of the same Westernization. Seeing this void, where people gaining KOS went from having their life structured and defined by Western landmarks, we now are faced with the challenge of restructuring systems with psychological and social landmarks along a newly defined cultural landscape. Customs, as a traditions, are a part of this. This is the reason I saw the importance of crafting a Divine Union Rite and Naming Ceremony. Celebrating the unity of our family, the arrival of our children, and etc. are important. In Western society people typically acknowledge points along one's life cycle based upon driving age, the age of consent, drinking age, the age one can join the military and other arbitrary things. 



   I had private Naming Ceremony for my youngest Queen Anusha on the Winter Solstice which I briefly explain the significance of in the video above. She was born at home with a Midwife, my God Brother Divine's Earth was her Doula and she is not vaccinated. Her full name is Anusha Adjua Quanaah meaning "a bright and morning star of peace and great vision." I did not want to bring her into this world in foreign hands, in a foreign environment or sharing pictures to memorialize that foreign moment like I see so many of my people do, including those of us with KOS. If we don't have customs to define significant events along our life cycle, what are we using, whose interest will that serve and where does that leave our cultural legacy?

Peace,
Saladin

Monday, April 25, 2016

Unrequited Love: Gamophobia

Unrequited Love: Gamophobia


In today’s technological age of text messaging, social media and smart phones we have instantaneous access to information, people, places and things unlike ever before. I can literally go online right now and order an item rush delivery from China that will arrive at my doorstep within the week. I talk to my God brother in Ghana like he's next door using a free app and I have successfully hosted a Hip Hop album [Unique Heat Vol 3: Clearer Understanding] produced overseas without having set foot in the UK. That is convenience. The downside to all of this is the minimization and lost of the human touch. With this lost of a human touch has come chronic and temporary emotional unavailability. People may often text instead of talk and tag each other on Facebook/Instagram instead of touch. This growing departure from human contact has also spawned a fear of commitment that manifests itself in the form of 'situationships': per diem relationships. Per diem meaning "per day" or "for each day" because these freelance arrangements have no long term commitment or stability.

When it comes to emotional unavailability, there are various reasons why people have issues with closeness and intimacy. As elaborated on in my book GAMES, some people have emotional unavailability issues going all the way back to their childhood. These issues, sometimes defined as R.A.D. [Reactive Attachment Disorder], classifies children who have a problem forming meaningful attachments/bonds with others. Scientists examined how the lack of attachment (stroking) that babies received over a period of time made them either not respond or react negatively to social attachments with others. In addition to the emotional, social and cognitive components, this lack of response and/or negative reactions towards attachments was also measured in the low or stabilized levels of Oxytocin these children had during pleasurable inter-activities. Children like this, without the proper counseling, tend to carry this into adulthood. Other reasons some people are emotionally unavailable include, but are not limited to, failed relationships, divorce, [sexual, emotional, physical or financial] abuse, trauma, mental illness, parental alienation, addiction, being workaholics and etc. Whatever the cause may be, the effect is the same; a person’s unwillingness or inability to be close to and share space with others. One of the other things that's worth mentioning here in regards to emotional unavailability is the trans-generational trauma First World [Original] People have suffered at the hands of western colonialism, global white supremacy, institutionalization racism and sexism. As a coping mechanism, many of us have learned to not put our thoughts or feelings out there and have been emotionally unavailable to America, so-called Americans and American ideals for generations; our livelihood and survival has depended upon that.

According to Dr. Judith Orloff, psychiatrist/author of Emotional Freedom and other books, the ten key signs that someone is emotionally unavailable are:

1. They are married or in a relationship with someone else.
2. They have one foot on the gas pedal, one foot on the brake.
3. They are emotionally distant, shut down, or can’t deal with conflict.
4. They’re mainly interested in sex, not relating emotionally or spiritually.
5. They are practicing alcoholics, sex addicts, or substance abusers.
6. They prefer long distance relationships, emails, texting, or don’t introduce you to their friends and family.
7. They are elusive, sneaky, frequently working or tired, and may disappear for periods.
8. They are seductive with you but make empty promises — their behavior and words don’t match.
9. They’re narcissistic, only consider themselves, not your needs.
10. They throw you emotional crumbs or enticing hints of their potential to be loving, then withdraw.

While some of these signs are obvious, others aren't so obvious because sometimes people send mixed messages. An example of this dilemma is a person who may be separated, still legally married or still in a quasi-relationship with their Ex while simultaneously presenting themselves as single. They may share themselves with you on various levels yet still be unavailable emotionally when it comes down to true transparency, closeness and intimacy. As a narcissist who is emotionally unavailable, they're comfortable dealing with people at a distance while simultaneously expecting them to be close to them; they desire a commitment from others that they're unwilling or sometimes unable to reciprocate. Sometimes this intimacy dilemma can become a tumultuous relationship similar to fighting Mike Tyson in a phone booth; where every time you get close, you get hurt.  

Aside from recognizing these obvious signs and mixed signals, the biggest challenge for us is accepting what we see and not rationalizing these signs and signals away. Our willingness and ability to see things for what they are, not what they appear to be or what we want them to be, is the key factor in not losing time waiting for unrequited love. Not only do we suffer but our families and communities do as well. How? Because other important areas of our lives get neglected when we prioritize people who only view us as an option. One of the biggest complaints I've had and have heard from others about relationships that didn't work out is the time wasted. Whether a person is dealing with emotional unavailability temporarily, it's chronic or they've been diagnosed with the anxiety disorder Gamophobia [a fear of commitment], as partner or prospective partner it's still time we're investing that we have no way of knowing if it will ever be reciprocated. Some people are simply unwilling or unable to give of themselves in a relationship and need help to get to that place to do so. We may be one of those people and it requires an honest self assessment, willingness and ability to seek that help. Again, and even with that help, there's no way of knowing if this person, or we, will ever be emotionally available. This commitment to self development is the first true commitment they, or we, must make in regards to addressing these issues with commitment and intimacy. And it is through this commitment to self that we learn to develop the trust, honesty, courage and other qualities that are necessary to commit to others who are deserving of us. It's a risk. It's vulnerable. It's frightening at times to depend upon someone to do the right thing with our heart, but it's ultimately worth it when we've found the right person. As people of color in America, the socioeconomic landscape and cultural backdrop has historically created an environment that breeds unrequited love. There are numerous daily challenges we face and open attacks on our self identity that the dominant society doesn't have to consider such as western colonialism, global white supremacy, institutionalization racism and sexism that has distorted our ability to love ourselves and each other. Finding healthy ways to address and define ourselves outside of these conditions is also paramount to our commitment towards self development. Again, it's a risk. It's vulnerable. It's frightening at times to depend upon ourselves and each other to do the right thing outside of these conditions, but it's ultimately worth it when we've found the right alternatives.

Peace,
Saladin