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| Sakila Primary School, Tanzania Africa |
The origin of the word emotion is "emote", which comes from the Latin verb emovēre, meaning, "to remove or displace." It is interesting that this is the etymology of the word because in this androcentric society, the expression of emotion is typically viewed as something displaced that people should be far removed from us. How ironic huh?
As men, we feel and experience the same emotions that women do. We know what insecurity, envy, anxiety, and other emotions feel like. The main difference is, women have naturally learned to name, unpack, process, and communicate those emotions. Men typically don't learn this, and we have been taught all kinds of propaganda and rhetoric to explain why we don't, and should not name, unpack, process, and communicate those emotions, all the way to an early grave. In fact, our typical path of manhood is "anti-femininity." Through my Atlantis School for Gifted Youngsters I have a Boys As Allies Rights of Passage Program where we engage in various activities and have conversations around manhood and masculinity. One of the things that we discuss and do activities around is The Male Box and all of the things that go into it; which are things that we were taught about manhood and where it comes from. Some of the things that boys often share regarding what makes them a man are things like; having sex, being able to fight, growing body hair, having a job, driving a car, going to the military, having a child, etc. Then we discuss how if a male does not have one or a number of those things or experiences, is he not a man? What they begin to realize, through their own investigation, is that many of the things that we use to define manhood are arbitrary and made-up markers to designate points along a person's life cycle. None of these things instruct us about character, principles, values, responsibilities or teach us important life skills as we transition in age and maturity. They also tell us nothing about managing physiological, emotional, and social changes that we go through and responsibilities to ourselves and other human beings such as a family and community. I often ask them, isn't it strange that you can take a drivers course and get a learners permit at the age of 16 and a drivers license in NYS at 18, yet there are no instructions on how to be a man? I also point out that you can join the armed services at the age of 18 (17 with parental consent) and die in the military for this country yet you cannot legally drink a beer or vape. So how do boys learn to become men? The majority of us learn like a pack rat, collecting a bunch of ideas we picked up at home, in society, and through the media. While there are some good things that we have learned, I would venture to say that most of what we accumulate is not beneficial and the evidence is in the collective state of our relationships, communities, people, and overall society. The proof is all around us, in what we digest, and oftentimes right in the mirror. I am not making this assessment like I am Dr. Umar Johnson, 19 Keys, Billy Carson, Ali Muhammad, or other self-appointed men telling everyone what they need to fix because we are strait. I mention brothers like them because when you listen to them talk, you never hear them discuss what they are working on in their lives or personal growth and development. They all give the impression that they have arrived, somewhere, that you need to get to. Yet whenever you think you have arrived, they will always have some explanation why you still haven't made it. Anyway, my statement was not from that egocentric point of view. I am also not sharing this perspective to suggest that all women are strait either and that we as men need to get on their level. There is a such thing as "toxic femininity" and there are women with a low EQ also. Especially women who are emulating the ideas that we, as men, have picked up.
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| "Beyond The Murals" Photography Exhibit The Cotton Factory Hamilton Ontario, Canada |
Most of us men who are born into this Western society were exposed to its Eurocentric religious/cultural belief systems that warp the perspective of femininity, women, and womanhood. In various Black/Brown classical and indigenous societies, femininity, women, and womanhood was seen through a lens of honor and respect. Like my culture of the Five Percent, women are seen as the Earth, Mother Earth, the Great Mother and Mother Nature because of her form, character and function -such as her physical composition, atmosphere and ability to birth and sustain life. The Earth is a terrestrial planet. That is where the name 'Earth' is derived; the Latin root "Terra", the root word of terrestrial meaning 'of the land.' This means that our planet possesses a solid surface and a metallic core. This core is the source of Earth's geomagnetic field that shield's it from cosmic radiation. The Earth also has four different layers: an inner core, outer core, mantle and crust [surface]. Lastly, Earth is distinguished from the other terrestrial planets Mercury, Venus and Mars because it possesses water which is vital for life as we know it. All of these qualities have a symbolic relationship to women, and the original woman in particular. In regard to the Earth's primarily Iron [Fe] core, the source of its geomagnetic field that shield's it from cosmic radiation, iron is considered the life-force of the Earth in some societies such as the Aborigines of Australia. As a life-force of the Earth, it symbolizes a woman's vitality, integrity, resilience, strength and fortitude. In regards to functioning as a geomagnetic shield, that symbolizes a woman's protective instinct against outside danger. The four different layers of the Earth symbolize the layers of a woman. The crust is the surface or most outer layer of the Earth. This represents what and how we physically see a woman; this is her appearance. The mantle is the second layer or what lies just beneath the surface; as a mantle is that which cloaks, shrouds or disguises. Also keep in mind that movement of the mantle causes tectonic activity such as volcanic eruptions and earthquakes on the crust, her surface. In symbolic terms, sometimes it's something lying just beneath the surface, that's undetected by the naked eye, that causes the unstable activity we see on the outside. The hottest and deepest layers of the Earth are the outer and inner core which are primarily composed of iron and nickel, thus making the planet magnetic. It is in this interior place that our Earth derives its magnetic field; its North and South Poles [compass]. In symbolic terms, internally is where you'll find the core convictions and source of a woman's moral compass and sense of direction. As the Earth possesses other precious metals and minerals that develop within it's womb, women possess the ability to develop precious life within their womb; children. The Earth's weather is primarily determined by the state of its atmosphere, as a woman's mood is partly determined by the state of her emotional atmosphere. The Earth's magnetic relationship with the Moon's 28-day lunar cycle effects our planet's tides the same way a woman's 28-day menstrual cycle affects her emotional tides that are linked to her sympathetic nervous system that partly regulates her hormones and body's ability to cope with stress. As hunter gatherers that eventually transitioned into agriculture and industrialism, we directly consulted with women who were biologically in tune with our landscape, weather, planting and harvest seasons. As forecasters, their wisdom was critical to our survival and that consultation corresponds to the creation of lunar calendars based upon the 28-day Moon and her 28-day menstrual cycle. Among many societies, a woman is seen as an oracle [diviner] within its cultural matrix because of her intuition, what our southern relatives call "mother wit", and what Western Philosophy has come to define as a priori knowledge. In Greece for example, she was the priestess Pythia; central figure of the Gaia [Earth] society and Oracle of Delphi men would consult for guidance on the seventh day of each month. This is the essence of emotional intelligence or EQ. Our ability to survive and thrive as men literally depended upon, and depends upon, this corresponding relationship to women. Now, some men might take what I shared above as a justification for worshipping women. That is taking it too far. I also don't think that women should sit around worshipping as men. That is taking it too far also. In both instances we can mess around and lose sight of ourselves in the process. To equally revere each other and show adoration is enough. No one is more important than the other and we are both worthy of honor and respect.
Considering all of this, I think that there is room for us as men (and women who do not know themselves) to increase our EQ. Some of the benefits of this are improved communication, stronger relationships, better leadership skills, increased empathy, greater self-awareness, better conflict resolution, enhanced decision-making, increased adaptability, and improved ability to manage stress. The only liability is not having these benefits. It is amazing how in conversations about KOS [Knowledge of Self] there is rarely any mention increasing our EQ as an important part of that self-assessment and path of growth and development. Working within the non-profit sector and professions of education, community building, and public art, these spaces are dominated by women. This has given me access to relationships, resources, and wisdom to help me along the way. Some men may rarely find themselves in spaces like this, so I understand if they feel disconnected from and uncomfortable with some of these ideas about EQ. Regardless of that, what most of us men usually have in common is the lack of access to spaces for us men to get together and even build about this. Yes, we will get together to watch a sports event, go to a concert, strip club or other activities, but we usually are not getting together to help each other name, unpack, process, and communicate our emotions. Thankfully I have brothers in my circle whom I am vulnerable with. Brothers who I share my hurt and disappointments, my appreciation and excitement with. Many of us don't have brothers or spaces like this and we walk around and interact with each other like nothing bothers, fazes, or affects us. The truth is there is a lot that bothers, fazes, and affects us every damn day and we need each other, and sometimes professional therapy, to name, unpack, process, and communicate those emotions. We need to be more vulnerable within our brotherhood and create these spaces for ourselves and the young boys growing up. Our young boys need to see us honor, congratulate, and share with each other so they can learn how to do the same with their peers. It is an important part of our mental health and path of growth and development as men. We will be better because of it, and our relationships, families, communities, people and overall society will also.
Peace,
Saladin
