.JPG) |
| United Nations, Geneva Switzerland |
Back in the early 2000s I was walking down a crowded street in NYC and a man approached me and began talking about an article that I wrote in a UK Publication in the 1990s. He described that article in detail, asked questions, and shared how important it was to his growth and development. This incident was nearly a decade after I wrote that article, before the development of social media apps, and before smart phones even existed. That experience shook me up and was one of my first introductions to what it means to be a public figure. On one hand I appreciated learning about how my work was positively impacting lives, yet it was strange being approached that way in the public. I thought a lot about being surveilled, how this person was possibly a government agent, how many other people were watching me, and the potential threat to my life and possibly those around me. It wasn't like that article was about bird watching in Vermont, it was about cultural awareness and self-determination.
With all of the work that I have done over the years and continue to do, experiences like this have only increased, exponentially. Nowadays, I am much more accustomed to and prepared to handle these experiences, embracing the fact that this global visibility is a natural result of the work that I do. Contrary to what some folks would like to believe, I have had to learn to acknowledge, accept, and live with this attention. This is a global visibility that I never strived for or desired.
Last month I was sitting with colleagues at a Conference in Philadelphia and shared with them my experience filming Episode 5 of the award-winning docuseries Enslaved, executive produced and starring Samuel L. Jackson. Three days prior to filming I learned that the production date/location was changed to the middle of the week 700 miles away to Lake Michigan in Sherboygan, Wisconsin. I was teaching Pre-K at the time, it was nearing the end of the year, and I was coordinating/practicing our students graduation event that was going to be held that Friday. So that Tuesday I brought my luggage to school so that I could leave directly from class to the airport in order to catch a flight to Milwaukee. I flew out of Buffalo, New York that evening and arrived in Milwaukee, Wisconsin that night where car service drove me to Sherboygan about an hour away. I arrived after midnight, checked into the Blue Harbor Resort, and was informed by some of the production team that we would be meeting for breakfast at 5:00am to be out on the dive boat by 5:30am. Keep in mind that from the time I left school the day before, every single moment was a completely new experience for me. I could hardly sleep; it seemed like I blinked my eyes, and it was 5:00am.
When I went downstairs to breakfast, I briefly met the production team and was informed by the Director Simcha Jacobovici that we were going to be boarding a dive boat that would be taking us two hours out into the middle of Lake Michigan. There our team of scuba divers would be examining the wreckage of the Home and the Niagara; two sunken schooners now sitting almost 170 and 50 feet below the surface that once ferried Black freedom seekers to Canada from Sandusky, Ohio. Again, I cannot emphasis enough that this was all new to me. This is the first time I was in Wisconsin, staying at this location, meeting the crew, riding on a dive boat, and filming a documentary in this environment. To top it off, an hour into our boat trip, as I start to get seasick below deck, Simcha starts to get footage of myself and Historian John Polacsek discussing Black freedom seekers using waterways along the underground railroad. We then moved to the upper deck and this is footage that was primarily shown in the docuseries. We filmed all day, and we got back to the resort in time for a late dinner. The next morning after breakfast I was scheduled to get car service to the Milwaukee airport to fly back to New York, but Simcha had other plans. There was some footage that he didn't get, and we all had to change back into our clothes from yesterday to get back on the dive boat to shoot. I was able to get to the airport to make my flight just in time. I made it back to New York that night and was up the next morning for our last day of school and Pre-K graduation. All of that happened within a span of 72 hours, and it took me some time to process that experience. The best way that I could describe it is teleportation. In the midst of that experience I was nervous, it was stressful, and I was seasick at times, yet it emotionally prepared me for every single thing that I have done after that. Not once did I feel unqualified, unprepared, or in a space I did not belong. That experience empowered me with the ability to professionally show up under conditions like this, that most folks would be afraid of, which has now become a consistent part of my life. One day I may be at the local grocery store speaking to a person, and 24 hours later be in another state or country speaking to a room of 1,000 people. There is a fearlessness that I have when it comes to showing up, and that is an important part of being successful in any of our undertakings.
Most folks don’t know how it feels to be visible, and vulnerable. When people around the world can recognize you, reach out to you for assistance/advice, constantly express their gratitude, invest in what you do, quote you in music/literature/curriculum, etc. Take a moment and Google your name to see what comes up about you. Now Google my name, Saladin Allah, and see what comes up. This has been my constant reality for well over two decades now. In no way am I complaining or saying that this is a bad thing. What I am saying is that being a public figure comes with a level of scrutiny, responsibility, consistency, and other expectations that most folks do not understand, are not prepared for, or maybe would not even want. Some folks even believe that they are prepared, or even deserving of this kind of public visibility, and do everything in their power to get it. Yet they usually refuse to do the consistent often "non-visible" work that is actually notable and commands this attention. I didn't just get here, nor did my global visibility happen overnight or because of some viral video, meme, or social media post. I am an internet immigrant who came from an age before household computers and some Tictokers were born native in a digital world. I became influential before Influencers existed and taught online classes before there was something called Zoom, and doing online radio shows before podcasting existed. I have been here for a while. For years I humbled myself and would not even share with people the reality of what goes on in my life as a public figure. Sure, some people can see what I choose to share on social media about my work, but that is just a small fraction of what this internal world is like, and the demands that come along with it. Seeing life through this lens, I continue to learn a lot about myself and other people. A major part of this education is understanding that socioeconomic, educational, and etc. factors aside, when we are our own worst enemies, we drastically limit our ability to succeed.
Something that I have also learned is that many people would rather sit and post content on social media to simulate success rather than do the actual work to be successful. Some people even fear success more than they do failure. They would rather accept being safe and mediocre than take a chance at being better. In many cases, they will make up all of the excuses in the world, and create the most elaborate self-sabotage schemes, like play the B.S.E. [Blame Somebody Else] Game, as the reason for their failure to succeed. I have seen this scenario time and time again and could write a book about the number of times that I have helped put people in positions to succeed and they fumbled the bag, dropped the ball, or simply did not show up. And YES, as crazy as this sounds, some folks have even tried to blame me for their failure; even though all I did was open doors for them, get out of the way, help them get money, and never ask for anything in return. I used to take that personal, be hurt, and disappointed in people. Then I grew to understand that it was not personal. It was clearly not about me, or everything that I was able to do for them, that they were not able to do for me or for themselves.
Over the last decade I began to be more intentional about publicly owning, acknowledging, and talking about my work, and receiving acknowledgement from others. It was never a case of Imposter Syndrome or lack of pride; I just really considered the feelings of other people by choosing not to be as big as I really was. I am still considerate like that, yet I no longer shrink myself for others to feel comfortable. If I feel like talking about working with the UN, sharing some experiences consulting a celebrity, international travel with a purpose, or a chapter in the seventeenth book that I published, it is what it is. I mean, if a watched a lot of reality television, had a job I didn't like, wanted someone to make me happy, or gossiped about what other people were doing/not doing, I would have that to talk about too, but I don't. Another thing that I learned is some people see your accomplishments and happiness as a magnifying glass that only enlarges their failures and unhappiness. For whatever reason, sometimes even unknown to them, they do not 'feel' proud of you, regardless how they try to mask it. I have seen men who cannot genuinely say things like, "I am proud of you", "You inspire me" and "You helped me..." I've watched dudes literally repeat my words as if they said it or copy/remix some project, program, or initiative that I created, yet act like it didn't come from me. Some even went as far as privately reach out for my guidance and resources behind closed doors but then act like they don't associate with me in the public. Yeah, it's wild, but this is something that has come along with being in the public like that.
I grew up in a pre-internet era where the work that people did, or didn't do, was clearly evident in our everyday lives. That is where we were recognized, or not, in a concrete reality. In today's digital landscape of social media, many people are constantly seeking virtual attention and notoriety that they haven’t concretely earned or deserve. People start something and then fizzle out months later because they are ambulance chasing content creators. They post things they did years ago for credit because they are not doing anything credible right now. They troll public figures on social media because a response validates them as "somebody" and equally important. I've said on many occasions that I use social media as a routing device back to reality. It directs people to what I have actually done, and what I am actually doing, in concrete reality.
Even though I get frustrated sometimes, I may feel like I need a personal assistant, and there are not enough hours in a day, I have learned to personally handle the attention and expectations of being a public figure. My biggest challenge has been how to establish and maintain a relationship in the midst of all of this, which I am still striving to figure out. One day I will get there.
Peace,
Saladin
