Unconditional...

Reflections on Lessons in Love

Peace Ya'll! Because I've been getting an overwhelming response to my last Article 'Love, Hell or Right, I decided to spend alittle more time on the subject. -smile- First and foremost, the title itself gave you the theme of what I wrote about, “You can Love Hell or what’s Right.” Oftentimes, our baggage or negative self image sentences us AND our choices to a Love life of Hell and we never seem to get things Right! These negative self images are often the direct result of our ‘Trust’ issues. Issues that were usually impressed upon us at a very young age AND consistently reinforced along our lifecycle.

When we’re dealing with these issues ourselves or striving to build with someone who has these issues, it can feel like an uphill battle. It reminds me of this Documentary I saw about this guy trying to climb Mt. Everest with prosthetic legs. Anyway, I’ve had my share of dealing with myself and people with these issues. When it comes to dealing with a female “specifically”, it can look like the final scene in 'X-Men The Last Stand' when Wolverine was striving to save Dr. Jean Grey -from herself; The Phoenix, and he almost destroyed himself in the process… Wolverine had a deep Love for Jean to the point that he was willing to “give his life before his word shall fail” (11/1-14), b.u.t. her alter ego -The Phoenix- “kept them apart from their own social equality.” (8/1-14) It takes a lot of strength and resolve to accept the reality of such a situation and like Wolverine, you may end up holding only memories of Jean.

Anyway, here’s a few things I wanted to add on about that I think is important to consider in relationships:

OPTIONS
Cee, whenever two people agree to get to know eachother THERE ALWAYS ARE AND ALWAYS WILL BE OPTIONS; options to be with somebody else! There is nothing in the book saying you both HAVE TO do anything about these options, b.u.t. it should always be respected that they exist. Why? Because as soon as you stop considering the fact that the other person “chooses to” be with you, in light of other options, you start taking them for granted! When you start taking someone for granted with an attitude like “they ain’t got no other options”, the value of the relationship and respect for that person starts to depreciate. Now keep in Mind that males and females have a different market value and options within this Society. This difference is based upon both Society’s “double standard” for Men & Women and also gender demographics -females outnumber males all over the Planet Earth. What this unfortunately translates into is the fact that Men are afforded more options. Because of this, a Man is more likely to find a partner than a Woman finding a partner. Like I said, whenever two people agree to get to know eachother THERE ALWAYS ARE AND ALWAYS WILL BE OPTIONS and because of Society’s “double standard” and gender demographics, a male has a lot more options than a female! This harsh reality also accounts for alot of the ‘partnerless’ tension, frustration, backstabbing and conniving games females play with eachother, all in a quest to compete for this rare human resource; a Man. Now regardless of this, what two people choose to do with these options is equal to how much they truly value the relationship AND eachother. If you truly value a relationship then options are insignificant; you have what you need so there’s nothing else to consider! -shrugs- So you won’t even mention options because the person you’ve chosen to be with is what’s most important to you -not who you could be with! Cee, if “your word is bond and bond is life” to that relationship, informing people about options you’re entertaining breeds the mistrust and disloyalty that’ll eventually “make your word fail” (11/1-14). Follow my rationale? -smile- Now, if you’re keeping your options open and informing a person about other people interested in getting with you, you have devalued this person and any relationship you desire to have with that person. Your intentions may have been to cee how they feel about you when you informed them about “the other” (10/1-10) competition, b.u.t. that method only applies to people who actually perceive competition. Also, if a person tells you about these options then they’ve already been invested in them -in some capacity- or they are notifying you because they’re obviously interested in exploring these options -even if it means just keeping someone waiting in the wings. Whatever their reasoning is for informing you about their options, respect their freedom to explore their interests! If they want to cee -or already know- the grass is greener on the other side then let ‘em; it’s “their” choice! Now some people may think that if you don’t step up to tell this person how much you really care about them that you must not care about ‘em! They believe that because you don’t respond to them or may even encourage them to explore their interests that you’re really saying,"So. I don’t really give fuck’ about you anyway!" This may be true in some cases. Some people won’t respond or will encourage you to pursue your interests because they want you to hang yourself. -shakes head- In their Mind, they didn’t really care about you and were waiting for you to make a fucked up decision so they could gracefully bow out! So in reality, you really did them a GREAT BIG favor!

Now for some people their non response or encouragement for you to pursue your interests has nothing to do with how much they really care about you! HOW? Because in their Mind this saying applies, “If you love someone then set them free. If they don’t return then they were never yours to begin with!” Cee, they care enough about you to “allow you” to Love them, not try to make you Love them by trying to convince you that the grass isn’t greener on the other side! To a person like this, the greatest Love they can receive from you is the Love you’re freely willing to give them -without any prompting, fear or intimidation on their part. I always refer to this Episode of Spider Man I saw when the Black Cat -who was madly in love with him- ended up knocking Spider Man out with this sleeping gas on the top of a building. (WATCH HERE @ 2:30 mark) As she stood over him about to pull his mask off to reveal his true identity she stopped herself! Before she could cee his face she pulled half of his mask back down and walked away saying, “It would be more fulfilling when Spider Man takes his mask off for me!” I view a relationship in the same way, it’s more fulfilling when a person freely chooses me! -smile- Now of course the Black Cat went through some feelings about her decision b.u.t. she was wise enough to cee that to get a relationship on those terms would undermine the very integrity that a true relationship needs to stand on! Whether she got Spider Man or not, she got the Principle of ‘integrity’ and integrity is one of the components of ‘Trust’ -one of the building blocks of all relationships. Hypothetically speaking, suppose the Black Cat did follow through with her trick-knowledge, revealed Spider Man’s identity and ended up ‘getting him’ as her Man, do you think Spider Man would have any ‘Trust’ for her when he finds out what tactics she used to get him?! Anyway, the only relationship you should be willing to accept is one that a person has the Freedom, sense of Justice and Equality to have with you -because THEY CHOOSE to share life with you! No relationship involving scare tactics, intimidation, muscle, trick-knowledge, or any other petty games to solicit knee-jerk reactions from the other person to cee how they feel about you is worth having or investing in -ESPECIALLY if you value Righteousness. I am one of those people with the integrity I speak of, who care’s about a person that much that I won’t ever try to ‘make them’ Love me. To me, the only heart worth having is the heart freely given and anything less would be uncivilized… So with all the options in the World, they mean nothing to a person who chooses to build a relationship with “you”! If these options do mean something to a person, respect their freedom to explore their options. If you stand in their way OR stand around and accept it… you, will, get, hurt. And for those of you who like to 'sell' yourself based upon the idea of promoting your options…you’ll get exactly what people are willing to 'buy'!

LEARNING
I mentioned in my last Article about getting to know people in order to build ‘Trust’. Everybody has a Culture (way of life). The way they live is evident in their words, ways and actions. Their way of life is often more evident in their unspoken words, ways and actions! ALL of these things give you a positive profile on their Principles, Values and how they set their Priorities. There is no need to play games, scheme, etc.. in order to cee what a person is going to do! Life naturally puts people in situations where they’ll have to make decisions based upon their Principles, Values and Priorities. Just spend time with a person and do the knowledge! When I was young, my Ole Earth always used to tell me to do things with a female that’s interactive’ going to the park, museum, out to lunch, etc.. She would say that the movies are fine b.u.t. what are you learning about the other person, you’re both sitting there staring at a screen for about 2 hours?! LOL Anyway, I unconsciously took her advice and have always enjoyed the ‘one on one’ arena where me and a female could get to know eachother better. In such a situation that doesn’t rely on props, stage hands, entertainment, smoke & mirrors, etc… you and that person must rely on eachother! Some people avoid such encounters -for various reasons. Maybe it’s not that kinda party to them and they’re not really trying to get that deep with you. Maybe they’re just nervous and don’t want to put themselves out there like that. Why? Because they feel like they may make a mistake and say/do something that’ll ruin their chances of being with you! If they keep your encounters in a staged location, they can always turn the conversation into something ‘staged’ if they feel like they’re beginning to loose their audience’s -your- attention. When you take the approach of removing all non-essentials, you have a better way of ascertaining what a person’s Principles, Values and Priorities are -at least “theoretically”. Yeah, they can tell you anything, b.u.t. what they do will either corroborate or contradict this! If you do not spend time getting to know a person, you will never become familiar with them enough to confidently rely on what they will or won’t do; you don’t really know them like that! The beautiful thing about my Culture (The NGE), is the fact that we view Knowledge -in ‘Principle’- as the Foundation, so we have to get to know people, places and things before we even get involved in them! This is a ‘Value’ (of importance) because when you don’t do the knowledge on people, places or things first, you run the risk of being “roped and bound in” (4/1-14) to rules and regulations you know nothing about! Basically, we strive to make it our ‘Priority’ to read the fine print. By assuming this position, we often avoid putting ourselves in situations where we gotta learn things AFTER the fact. So you can either invest the time to really get to know somebody or not invest this time and get taught about who they are. These are two very different things.

CULTURAL CONGRUENCE
I mentioned alittle bit about getting to know a person in order to cee what kinda Principles they adhere to, Values that have and how their Priorities are set. I also mentioned that this identifies their Culture (way of life). The reason it’s important to cee these things is because you need to determine what you can or can’t live with! From my Cultural Worldview, there are certain things that I’ve made a decision that I can’t live with! On the top of that list is a female who doesn’t know OR have an allegiance to the same Cultural Worldview. If a Woman doesn’t have it in her heart to sincerely love Allah’s Mathematics, she love’s something else and it’s impossible for her to have the will or capacity to Love me! We are not congruent, which means our plans do not, will not and cannot coincide. So if we’re “not advocating for the same common cause” and striving “to be equal in everything” (8/1-14), we’re destroying our ability to do so. Under these conditions we have two separate Cultural Agendas and Principles, Values and Priorities that reinforce this. When Gods cee a female, although he may recognize some qualities he’s willing to live with, he’s ultimately looking at her as someone he needs to teach. Why? Because 85% of the time she’s to some degree an “uncivilized person, poisonous animal eater slave from a mental death and power. Those who do not know the true and living God or their origin in this World and worship what they know not. Who are easily led in the wrong direction and hard to be led in the right direction.” (14/1-40) This is not name calling. As you can cee, this is one of our ‘14th’ Degrees symbolizing Knowledge (1) Culture (4). So our observation is based on the actual fact that most (85%) of the females we encounter ‘know’ damn near nothing about our ‘culture’ OR how to deal with a Man who’s self image is the true & living God! If she wants to learn, fine. “I give all I have and all within my power” (40/1-40) to aide her, while realizing that at times she may get very frustrated, confused and insecure about “her place” and the power dynamics of such a relationship. There are many reasons for this. One reason is because she never dealt with the true & living God before. Another reason is because the 85er Manual she’s taken years construct doesn’t apply to me! Another reason is because she may be used to being in the drivers seat; controlling and schooling males who usually had no control or discipline over themselves. When she meets God it’s a whole different story and she’ll try everything to prove that it isn’t. Why? To gain a power and control over the situation that she doesn’t have. Not because she actually believes in it’s equal distribution, b.u.t. because she’s used to having things on her terms! The nature of such a new & strange relationship for her automatically exposes the insecurities, power struggles, and trust issues a Woman is dealing with and it unfortunately comes with the territory. So aside from other reasons verified in our Degrees, true & living Gods aren’t out looking for females. He realizes the seriousness of his duty as a Civilized Person and the enormous task of helping her unlearn things in order to learn. As Gods we have very high expectations for the Woman who’ll bear our child, be a Mother Figure to our children and continue the legacy of our Culture and THIS WILL BE NO WALK IN THE PARK! Regardless of what your Cultural Worldview or Religion is, it’s important to make sure that your partner is committed to the same Principles, Values and Priorities. It’s important that you both have the same Agenda -ESPECIALLY when there is or will be children involved. If this issue is not reconciled from the door, and you accept things in a person you can’t live with, you AND the relationship will end up dying from it.

To conclude Today’s Article I want to encourage those of you striving to build/re-build positive, healthy relationships to keep the faith! Weigh your options and make good decisions. Learn about a person and look to cee if you’re congruent. You’ll save yourself a lot of energy when you’re not “searching for that-that does not exist” (10/1-40). Also, be patient. It takes time and if a person isn’t willing to put the time in then they’re showing you they aren’t worth it. Why? Because if the ultimate goal is to find a consort for life, what’s damn rush?! -that was a rhetorical question- Anyway, at the end of the day we either make choices to be where we’re at in our relationships or we allow people to make these decisions for us. So take responsibility for your Love life and determine if it’s Hell or Right. If another person doesn’t have the will, capacity or commitment to Love you: that’s their Hell! YES it may hurt. YES it may be painful. B.u.t. when it’s all said and done, you’ll be alRight! -smile-

Peace!