Monday, October 05, 2009

In loving memory of...

Love, Hell or Right

Peace Ya’ll! For a while now I’ve been somewhat immersed in the subject matter of Love; ceeing that it's one of the themes in my latest manuscript. The above image is of my Ole Earth's headstone. It's been more than 14 years now since she's been physically gone. I had a beautiful relationship with her and was on good terms with her when she left this Planet. I cannot say the same for all of my siblings and some of them carry the psychological/emotional weight of these unresolved issues to this day. Today I want to present to you the science of Love, Hell or Right and the importance of not carrying or allowing others to carry our unresolved issues to the grave...

One of the most important components of Love is ‘Trust’. Trust is a reliable confidence in the Integrity, Honesty and Justness of another person. To even have the capacity to Love someone we must have a reliable confidence in their Integrity, Honesty and sense of Justness. Oftentimes, we approach relationships with basic trust issues. Many of these trust issues began when we were children and we carry these unresolved issues into our relationships as adults. The origin of this distrust begins when -as a child- we relied on and put confidence in the Integrity, Honesty and Justness of people who took advantage of our vulnerable state. As a coping mechanism for this trauma we learned to protect, hide and even deny our vulnerabilities in hopes that we’ll never be taken advantage of again! As we carry this “promise” into our adulthood, it becomes difficult for us to Love simply because the ‘Trust’ isn’t there. Not only are we not confident about the Integrity, Honesty and Justness of another person, b.u.t. we also lack the confidence in our own Integrity, Honesty and sense of Justness. Our own sense of feeling inadequate goes aaaaaaall the back to the ‘promise’ we made when we relied on someone (usually family) to care for us when we were too insecure, helpless and young to defend ourselves. So as adults carrying this trauma, we find ourselves without the capacity to ‘Trust’ because we made a choice (we keep as a promise) very early on to NEVER have to rely on or put any confidence in someone’s Integrity, Honesty and sense of Justness.

Many people -especially adult females- with these ‘Trust’ issues have often gone through a slew of unreliable relationships with people who had no Integrity, weren’t Honest and had no sense of being Just. This only corroborates their ‘promise’ or serves as evidence to support a conclusion they already made as a child. These issues are further compounded when such a Woman chooses to bear life for such a male and her child(ren) leave an indelible impression on her Mind that you cannot ‘Trust’ Men, which undermines her capacity to Love, be Loved and supply the Love that maintains a Loving Family unit. On a very basic level, this is why many Women have a problem even saying “I Love You” to a Man and even her own child(ren). She doesn’t trust a Man because of her bad experience with males, and her child(ren) are often ceen as an undeniable reflection/reminder of this untrustworthy male/males!

Now that I’ve articulated some of the issues, let me break down how you build ‘Trust’ in order to develop the capacity to Love! Since ‘Trust’ is a reliable confidence in the Integrity, Honesty and Justness of another person, you develop ‘Trust’ by learning about the Principles, Values and Priorities of that person –or lack thereof. A person’s Principles, Values and Priorities is the basis of their Cultural Worldview (way of life). A person’s Principles, Values and Priorities tells you all about their Integrity, Honesty and if they have a sense of being Just. If a male doesn’t have a relationship with his own child, regardless of his relationship with his babies Mother, you can cee where is Principles, Values and Priorities are in regards to his children. If you do choose to have a child with a male like this, you will be unable to confidently rely on his Integrity, Honesty and Justness to be Father -regardless of how supportive he appears in the beginning.

The more you know about a person’s Principles, Values and Priorities, you gain more trust in what they’ll potentially do when they’re confronted with a situation that questions their Integrity, Honesty and sense of Justness. When a Woman meets me she immediately develops the trust that I won’t eat pork under any circumstances, b.u.t. she won’t immediately trust that I won’t fuck around with another chick -who 95% of the time is worst than the pork itself! LOL Because such a Woman has not taken the time to really evaluate the basis of my Culture (Principles, Values and Priorities), it’s impossible for her to be confident about and rely on my Integrity, Honesty and sense of Justness when a Wiz like this is in the midst. This is ultimately why I’m a huge proponent of Gods not having a relationship with a female who doesn’t have or isn’t striving to learn our 8-Point Curriculum (Supreme Mathematics, Supreme Alphabet and 120). Supreme Mathematics, Supreme Alphabet and 120 is the basis of a Gods Cultural Worldview and identifies the Principles, Values and Priorities that supports his Integrity, Honesty and sense of Justness. If a God enters into a relationship with a female who does not know or have an allegiance to this Cultural Worldview, he compromises “their” ability to forge a relationship of Integrity, Honesty and sense of Justness; all vital aspects of Love. In such a dysfunctional situation, a Man and Woman find themselves constantly assuming what the other will do, wasting time/energy to surveillance eachother, babysitting their mutual insecurities and ultimately giving part of themselves while expecting a whole situation. Gods realize from the door that “we’ve been made other than ourselves” (12/1-36) from being “taught how to eat the wrong foods” (10/1-36), so in order to regain the confidence in us as Men, we strive to teach them everything that we know. Some Men are under the false assumption that “he makes her” insecure or untrusting by not calling like clockwork, turning his phone off, not explaining where he was, etc… The reality is, 50 phone calls a day won’t make her feel any more secure or trusting than the insecurity and mistrust she brought to the table BEFORE she met you. The fact that she has some ‘preconceived’ notion about what you’re 'supposedly' doing because she can’t get a hold of you shows & proves this! It’s an assumption that’s based upon some deep seeded insecurity or distrustfulness she either experienced personally, saw her Parents go through, heard her girlfriend(s) talking about, watched on Lifetime Channel or heard in a Mary J. Song. Although her assumption of infidelity may be true, she has no actual facts to prove it, and to suggest that a Man NEEDS to remain on an invisible leash to relive the stress of her assumptions does not resolve her ‘Trust’ issues. Any Man up under a female like that who believes he’s helping her resolve these issues is actually making it worst -especially for him. Trust me, any Man trying to be all up under some female, following her around and blowing her phone up will eventually become either her child or a cornball. Also, you Fellas who think that this is going to make her more secure and trusting of you, demand that she follow the same protocols she demads of you. Demand that 'she' consistently call, 'she' keep her phone on, 'she' explainin EVERYWHERE she's been, etc.. You’ll learn something VERY valuable... You’ll learn that she really just wants to know where “you’re” at, and that's a one-way street, plain and simple. It’s not a mutually respected thing and if you don’t think so, put my theory to the test! You’ll find out if she’s willing to “deal with equality” (8/1-14) when it comes to that. What you haven’t considered is that fact that as a Woman she’s already under the yoke of a gender oppressive, misogynistic, Patriarchal Status Quo. Under these conditions, she’ll rationalize her unwillingness to conform to what she demands of you as ‘an open attack on her sense of freedom and autonomy she’s been deprived of as a Woman in this Society’ -which obviously valid! But here’s the translation that invalidates her non-transparent position: She simply has one set of rules for you and another set of rules, for you. LOL Again, concepts like this go back to ‘Trust’ issues that come from a male or collection of males in her life going all the back to her childhood, who had no Integrity, were Dishonest and had no sense of Justness. As Men meeting these females in their adulthood, we become the inheritors of these unresolved issues b.u.t. hopefully the silver lining to this dark cloud of misconceptions hovering over their head. As a Black Man striving to repair the damage that some of our Brothers/Fathers have knowingly/unknowingly done to our Woman it sometime becomes a daunting task. Many of us have given up on our Women entirely by getting a Woman who's "other than" (10/1-10) her. Some of us have given up on Women period and have turned to other males. I myself have not and will never give up on my Woman! WE WERE MADE FOR EACHOTHER IN THESE CONDITIONS AND WE WILL WORK IT OUT! PLUS NO ONE IS CAPABLE OF UNDERSTANDING (12) ME LIKE HER; WE COME FROM THE SAME PLACE! -smile- To abandon her is to abandon my daughters, the young females I Mentor, my Ole Earth, my Sisters and all the other Original Women who deserve the Love I have the capacity to give them!

Now, when a God agrees to build with a Woman and teach her, it’s not a control thing. Even if that’s his determined idea, Righteousness disables his ability to do so! If he wanted to have control he wouldn’t take the time to teach her anything and that’s the role of the 10% who are “the rich slave makers of the poor who teach the poor lies ‘to believe’... (not know!)” (15/1-40) Because many Women have had relationships with -and children- with males who took advantage of them, it puts a God in a very unique position when he meets her. First of all, she comes to the door looking for all the exists, closets and fire escapes. Secondly, she carries a chip on her shoulder that ‘a Man is only necessary based upon what you need him for’, and thirdly she wants Love b.u.t hasn’t learned how to Love herself and/or others. Let me repeat what I said initially; If you have unresolved ‘Trust’ issues, you will not have the capacity to Love, be Loved or supply the Love that maintains a Loving Family unit. When building with a Woman like this a God must be very careful to always respect her options and not be so quick to tell her what she should/shouldn't do. This means that he does more listening that speaking and he's often silent on issues she may be seeking confirmation about -that may be derived from her 'Trust' issues. Sometimes a Woman may use a God’s/Man’s silence as confirmation that he doesn’t care about her, thus enabling her to hold fast to her ‘promise’ that she had before she met him; ‘Don't Trust him’! She may also be trying to get a pulse on his feelings because she's seeking justification to engage in behavior that doesn’t have the Integrity, Honesty and sense of Justness she demands in him. "Why should I have any Integrity, Honesty and sense of Justness anyway? He don't!", so she believes. Yes, I’m often silent or won’t tell a Woman what she should/shouldn’t do to respect her options. Sometimes she has a desire to put her theories to the test -especially if she presents me with options, so I move out of her way. I often already cee the outcome, yet it’s important to ‘Trust’ that one day she’ll learn for herself the Principles, Values & Priorities that govern her choice -even if it hurts me. If I ascertain that her choice is diabolical/wicked or will bring about those types of results, then “I speaketh to warn” (19/1-40) her. So when it comes to me being silent or not saying yes or no to consistently corroborate a Woman’s ‘Trust’ issues, I'm actually expressing more ‘Trust’ and care for her than she can cee!!! How? Because I’m confidently relying on her ability to use her Integrity, Honesty and sense of Justness to handle situations. Sometimes it may not work out that way and she may be asking you because she feels like her Integrity, Honesty and sense of Justness isn’t strong enough to handle situations -especially in places that are established upon the premise of Hedonism not what's Right OR exact. She may be crying out for you to save her from herself! She may end up putting her theories to the test and end up being satisfied with them. Ultimately, it’s always a chance a God/Man must always be willing to take in order to have a Woman who -given the options- chooses to reflect him, not because she should or shouldn't! This also helps him build the ‘Trust’ in her that she often never had in herself! KEEP IN MIND that if you don’t respect a Woman’s options, and the fact that she chooses to be with you, she’ll make options and these options will always be diametrically opposed to your will (of Allah).

One of the first things a Woman must understand is that she cannot and will not be able to 'Trust' a Man if she doesn’t know his Culture (way of life). 95% (85% + 10%) of the males she usually dealt/deals with had/have no sense of Culture, so they function like a Freelancer (Hedonist) with no Integrity, Honesty or sense of Justness about what he does. Is one of his Principles ‘plagiarizing’? What kind of Values does he have; is investing in business opportunities more important to him then investing in real human relationships? How does he set his Priorities; if given the choice, will drive to a football game 3 hours away before he takes his Grandmother to the grocery store across town? I am not saying whether these choices are right or wrong, b.u.t. I am giving you glimpse of the nuts & bolts that make them who and what they’ve learned to be. When a Woman or Man enters into a relationship with a person who they don’t know, there is no telling what they will or won’t do and you have no sense of knowing! Grasping a person’s Culture equips you with the science of ‘prediction’ (“writing history in advance1/1-40). So when a Woman knows what type of Principles guide a Man’s life, his Values, and how he sets his Priorities, she’ll know what to expect and can confidently rely on his Integrity, Honesty or sense of Justness that uphold his Culture. When a God is teaching a Woman or has a relationship with a Woman who shares his Cultural Worldview, he is presenting himself to her as an open book; allowing her to know everything she needs to know about what he will and will not do. Ultimately, he’s engaged in a process of complete transparency; showing her his Principles, Values and Priorities that ultimately define his Integrity, Honesty and sense of Justness. Because this process also involves her, he is simultaneously learning about her and what to expect and not expect from her. This is how you build trust, regardless if you’re striving to be an Earth, becoming a Christian, Muslim, etc… It’s the learning process that cultivates the ‘Trust’ between two people that equip them with the capacity to Love, and Love unconditionally! Many times people -especially Original People who have been Culturally Disenfranchised- ignore this learning process and enter into relationships based solely on feelings of mutual attraction; with hopes that these feelings of mutual attraction will sustain them. Because a Woman may interpret a God ‘enlightening’ her as some kind of post traumatic gender oppressive power relationship she experienced as a child, in past relationships and within Society, she may not have the courage, humility and wisdom to give this relationship a chance; ‘feeling’ as though he’s a trader/traitor “making an interpretation that she will receive more gold for her labor which was more than she was earning in her own country (dysfunction).” (28/1-36). The reason so much weight is placed upon her ‘feelings’ is not simply because a Woman is emotional by nature and the Moon symbolizes the sentimentality and governance of her sympathetic nervous system, it’s because as a child, emotional impressions represent the primary way we attend and interpret the world around us! If, as a child, we experience traumatic impressions, these events leave an indelible mark upon a fragile psyche we have yet or may never develop the psychology to understand. At one point or another we’ve all experienced such trauma as Original People living in this wilderness, b.u.t. Knowledge of Self is the means through which we gain access to resolving these issues. If we don’t resolve them we will never develop the ability to ‘Trust’ ourselves or another person enough to have the ‘Love’ we desire to give and receive.

Love, Hell or Right is a journey through our Trust issues. The feelings of inadequacy, insecurities, low/vacant self esteem or other debilitating self concepts all go back to these ‘Trust’ issues -often impressed upon us in our childhood and reinforced throughout our lives. No amount of financial stability, drug/alcohol use, sex, academic achievement, entertainment, etc… will resolve these issues because in the solitude of our own Heart we’ll always feel an emptiness due to the lack of Love in our life -even when someone has the capacity, clarity and will Loves us! We simply won’t identify, feel or appreciate it because we have the incapacity to give it back. The ‘Hell” we face in order to deal with these negative self concepts will range in a spectrum from Temperance (as in refining gold or fashioning a brilliant sword) to Torture (as in hellfire). It’s a process we’ll all go through to discover the Right way to Love and live with ourselves and other people! As God, I love even when people have not developed the ‘Trust’ to reciprocate this Love. Among other Righteous Principles, Values and Priorities that I adhere to, this is a Principle and Value inherent to the 11/1-14;Yes my word is bond and bond is life and I will give my Life before my Word shall fail” and one of the protocols of a “King” (11/Supreme Alphabet).

So in conclusion, I have personally gone through a situation where the closeness I once held as sacred with a person has disintegrated to point of strangers. The basis of this is the ‘Trust’ that were always present, yet expanded over time. Trust issues that were brought to the table. This separation estranged us from a sense of familiarity, so it’s impossible to pick up where we left off; we don't know eachother anymore. We both have no way of knowing what to expect from eachother because the ‘Trust’ is gone. We've both made decisions -without the other person's knowledge- that we will now bring back with us to the table, and these decisions may have changed us drastically! We both have no idea where we will now stand. and it’s a disheartening feeling to know that someone who was so close to you is no longer even a friend to you. Not because of hate, anger or any of these emotions that often “keep people apart” (8/1-14), b.u.t. because the ‘Trust’ we strived to build for years has been destroyed. To get to know and ‘Trust’ eachother again is equivalent to getting to know eachother for the first time. It’s easy to walk away from a situation like this, knowing that to re-engage we’ll both be more vulnerable than we’ve ever been, and must work extra hard to rebuild the ‘Trust’ factor. The question is, “Is it worth it and what will you be getting out of the situation when it’s all said and done?” They may never learn to ‘Trust’ and I will never receive the Love and Respect I deserve. It’s a stalemate of sorts, locked in a state of limbo, longing to repair a relationship that we allowed our unresolved negative self concepts to destroy. For those of you who find yourselves in this situation, who have a desire to learn how to ‘Trust’ and develop the capacity to Love yourself and others, here’s my advice:

1. Get to honestly know yourself better and come to terms with the negative self concepts you have adopted and unresolved issues that are "buried there" (5/1-14); YOU HAVE A CHOICE TO THINK THESE THINGS ABOUT YOURSELF AND SURROUND YOURSELF WITH THOSE WHO DO/DON'T SUPPORT THEM! These are beliefs that don’t work in your favor and have continually destroyed your ability to have a healthy relationship with yourself and others. Although money, academic achievement other things “can” help you, they will not resolve your ‘Trust’ issues. You deserve the right to Love be Loved and supply the Love that maintains a Loving Family unit like everybody else. Discovering the things we need to work on does not make you less or weaker than anybody else either! It actually empowers you with a Truth that allows you to positive transform your life and aide others in doing the same! So hold your head up; you are Infinite Intelligence dwelling in a form, and is much, much greater than the form, the negative self conceps and the unresolved issues we identify as us!

2. Forgive yourself! Once you recognize these negative self concepts, work towards correcting them. Don’t own them, hug them or associate with them any longer or they’ll continue to be “the piece with the magnetic” (22/1-40) that attracts your emotional, mental and financial dysfunction. Knowledge of Self is a process of self examination and inoculation against these psychological viruses. Once you’ve forgiven yourself, forgive others who you may have wronged with these negative self concepts -especially those who have placed their ‘Trust’ in/and Love you. Once you apologize, engage in activities and share knowledge with that helps regain their ‘Trust’ (confidence & reliability in your Integrity, Honesty and sense of Justness). This also works as sweat equity in the relationship you’re striving to rebuild. If the person chooses to no longer engage you in a relationship because of your choice(s) to undermine that relationship it’s their choice. At least you’ve done “everything within your power” (40/1-40) to resolve “your” issues. If they still have resentment, that’s a cross they’ve chosen to bear.

3. Use your Knowledge and Wisdom to teach other people -especially the youth & young couples- how to navigate situations like this so they don't have to go through as much Hell as we did to get our Love life Right. They may go through worst, b.u.t. at least you “performed your duty as a Civilized Person” (18/1-40) by making sure that you helped them deal with the negative self concepts and ‘Trust’ issues you may have impressed upon them -especially if they’re your own children.

4. Realize that a mate is nothing more than a collection of Principles, Values and their Priorities. This is what we call ‘Character’ and each character has a Cultural Worldview. The less you know about this Cultural Worldview, the less you’ll be able to predict about their Character (Principles, Values and their Priorities ). And the less you know about a person’s Character, the less expectations you’ll be able to have about their Integrity, Honesty and sense of Justness. In this case, you’re feeling around in the dark and hoping to find the light switch and you -and your child(ren)s life- is too valuable to put at rick like that. If you think it’s alright then that’s something you need to really examine about your own Principles, Values and their Priorities that define your Cultural Worldview –that you are teaching your child(ren).

As for my own situation… Hopefully they have taken the time to read this build and have been inspired by the things I have written. Although I still hold the strength, capacity and will to Love them I realize that they must develop the capacity to ‘Trust’ themselves and me enough to reciprocate this Love. Will they ever find their way? Maybe, yet I may not be by their side when they do. B.u.t. if it’s really in my heart to want the best for them, then the best for them may mean we may never speak or cee eachother again. Do I desire that we become distant memories to eachother? NO. Do they desire this? We will cee…


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